Let’s imagine that you are both attracted to each other. You’re both in relationships, but you both get each other. You’re both in understanding that you won’t leave your relationships but you both understand that if it weren’t to work out between each other’s relationships you’d most likely give each other a go.
I’m saying you’re both best friends and your other halves don’t know about each other but that’s okay (not really) because they’re in their own worlds. You’re best friends because your spouses, or girlfriend, or boyfriend, are missing a giant piece of your heart puzzle that your best friend easily puts in place to keep you beating along. This could easily be solved by communicating with your partner what our needs are.
But, there’s a genuine love for each other because you have the same exact interests. It’s almost as if you have found the boy or girl version of yourself and it’s weird to believe that that kind of person exists. Your best friend makes you look at your spouse and take a hard look at your relationship. Is it possible that you could end up marrying or getting into relationships with a person who is opposite of you?
It’ understood that being with the opposite version of you is what brings a healthy balance into your relationship but then you also know that you both love differently. You both have to learn how to love each other.It can take years before your partner gets it. That doesn’t mean that you throw away your relationship, it just means you work at it harder.
In the back of your head, it feels like you can escape to your best friend and ask for advice from them when you need advice abut your relationship but this kind of friendship is one that without boundaries can be dangerous.
Romance is a lead cause of infidelity in relationships. If someone knows you intimately and can love you in a way that your spouse cannot this person can be your go-to when your partner does something you don’t like. Instead of discussing things with your partner you instead go to your best friend for advice. Sometimes it can be necessary to let off steam with your best friend but it can also mean not giving 100% of yourself to your actual partner.
A good friend, a best friend, will want you to go back to your partner and work things out with them. Even if it means not coming back to them or ever starting a relationship with them. A best friend will redirect you back to your spouse and will open your eyes to see things in the way your spouse sees them.
A friend that tries to persuade you to leave your current partner, especially if their idea is to leave your spouse for them, is a selfish friend. Maybe it’s true they could love you better than your spouse or girlfriend, and maybe it’s even true that things would seem as if it can be a fairytale story with each other but in the end who you’re with now gave you the same feelings when you both met. It’s just a fact that romance fades especially as years add on and children come into the picture. That means that each new person you encounter may have an excitement and romantic new thing about them but this too will fade. It’s just the way it is.
Having a best friend of the opposite sex is dangerous in the sense that you could end up cheating on your spouse with that person. There are some positives:
- buffer before you lash out on your spouse
- this friend can challenge your beliefs, morals, and thoughts and have you stick to your ethics
- a motivator to live your life for your own happiness and continue trying your best with your partner
With these positives, it is clear that a best friend can make you a better person, and an even better partner. Like scripture shares that iron sharpens iron so do men sharpen other men (and women) in wisdom, ideas, and actions. A best friend is a reminder of why you’re living life. They’re a reminder of why you love the person you’re with. A best friend is a reminder that relationships can get tough but it won’t be that way forever. Not every day is a fairytale.
A suggestion to those of you who have a best friend that you’re attracted to. Please have boundaries. There must be boundaries and an understanding on both sides of the boundaries set between each other. There must be respect for each other’s relationships and it has to be clear that you can only be best friends.
If you cannot tell your partner about this friendship that signifies a problem in that friendship and in your relationship. There should not be secrets between each other.
In the end, what you have with this best friend can be a temporary thing or a lifetime friendship but it’s that one thing your friend has that one thing you wish your partner had. It’s either the conversations, the peacefulness, their understanding, the way they have fun or their goals. After the conversations, the laughs, and the secret sharing you end up at home alone and just wishing your partner can understand you that same way.
It’s a good realization to have. It’s a great thing you’ve met that person because now you realize what’s wrong in your current relationship and what your actual needs are. Eventually, you’ll have to make a choice. You’ll have to make that choice whether you want to fulfill your needs with your best friend or teach your current spouse what you need.
That’s all up to you. I’ve never been fond of the idea of leaving the person you’ve committed yourself to be with for another person. I just strongly believe that with transparency and strong communication you can get through any situation in relationships.
You’ll always find someone better out there. They say you have a short life to live and I believe that’s true, but I believe that sometimes the romance you seek isn’t what determines if you lived an exciting or fulfilling life.
Loyalty goes a long way and it’s not only respected but it is honored in society. Hillary Clinton could have left her husband Bill Clinton but she didn’t. Angelina called it quits with Brad even though they had a romantic and what has been recorded a very sensual relationship. What’s funny is they called it quits after 2 years of marriage.
I promise you that while you’re in a relationship someone better may come along. Someone who can pinpoint your feelings, and understand you psychologically, can trigger new awareness of yourself but while you hold onto that friendship you’re most likely hiding it from your spouse. I’m not saying that’s right or wrong but I am saying that it’s dangerous.
Having a best friend that’s not your spouse may work for some people but for others, it’s just a friend who fills up that empty hole in your heart. Although this may be true, ask yourself, if you’d rather have your current partner fill that hole or your best friend?
What you feel against your partner will not last forever. Sit your partner down and work things out. Don’t leave the elephant in the wrong get bigger and bring their family to visit. Don’t get comfortable, reignite your relationship. Set your boundaries with your “best friend” and run to your spouse.