You know, I have a love-hate relationship with going to church. I don’t believe you need to go to church to get into heaven. That’s ridiculous, but I do believe that going to church strengthens your faith and I find peace knowing I am surrounded by people who believe the same thing as me. I enjoy listening to a wiser person share their knowledge with me and make the choice for myself if what that person is saying is true to me or not.
I love the challenge church gives me. The challenge to be a better person, wife, employee and to be more responsible with my decisions and emotions gives me a reason to persevere and keep believing for my dreams and goals to be reached.
My biggest challenge of all is trusting God that He will provide me with everything we need. I have doubts about my marriage, my life choices, and if I’m doing the right thing. He’s done so many things that have kept my husband and I afloat. It’s unbelievable some of the things that have happened to use. We’ve lived in the cold, My husband has slept in his car, we’ve been bashed by family and friends and have definitely attacked each other over consequences of our individual decisions.
Yesterday’s message made me realize that God will always provide for me.Even if I’m astray or doing my own thing, He’s chasing me down. I’ll admit that I have been doing my own thing. I have been figuring myself out, who I am, without Christ and have come to the conclusion that I’m crazy.
My relationship with God has always kept me grounded and safe. With God, I have peace and am without stress. I wake up and enjoy my days and feel planted on solid ground. I know that when I go about performing at my own things that I’m striving to get things done.
My soul is tired of striving. My soul is weakened from the daily hustle and grind. It’s not about the physical stuff but the part of my life where I’m trying to be a good person, or trying to be a good friend. I’m tired of trying. That’s why I’m glad I’m still attending church and that I receive the messages that my pastor and others have shared on their stage.
the dust and dirt from the New York City atmosphere is lifted from my eyes by the end of worship. I come clean to God and although I know I am still dirty and a sinner, I know that God still loves me. That’s what keeps me going. When I’m confused about my purpose, the reason I’m doing things, or what I will do next, I know that in the end I am loved. Whether I end up alone or surrounded by loved ones, God will be there. He’s always there. He’s never left me.
Between the trials and temptations, I want to break. Recently I learned that it’s your choice whether your trial will become a test or temptation. Trials are a test of what your faith is now. Trials are personal and designed by God specifically to show you where your faith is currently at.
I’ve been going through financial trials and other temptations and I want to say that the trials are bigger than they’ve ever been. Without getting too deep into things, I’ve fallen time after time after time. But I have joy now because I’ve come to realized that my trials keep getting larger and larger which means I’m growing in some way.
Church, reminded me to keep my joy. I will receive trials. They will teach me to persevere but I must have joy.
I know that I am weak, and I know that I need God. My trials have humbled me and I’m happy about that.
I have temptations I need to squash.
Recently I gave up on God and forgot His promises, Word, and the things he’s done for me. I hate that I did that because now I am in a weird place. I have to go over any decisions I went on and made on myself.
I have to redirect my motives to be for Him and not against Him.
I still persuasion from my husband to get me to go to church. Some days I want to just enjoy the worship and messages without having to connect or touch other people. Usually, when I’m like that it’s because I’ve done or thought very stupid things and don’t feel like I can be myself. It’s condemnation at its finest.
I condemn myself when I have to face other people and I have no idea why. No one else in the church is holy or better than me. It’s my own personal guilt over things I’ve done.
Church opens my eyes. Reveals new wisdom to me and lifts my spirits up. It’s the purpose behind Tru.Works. To bring people to Christ. I want to share testimonies, unbelievable stories, and exceptional wisdom to my readers. Not just topics about the daily hustle and grind but about the tender touch of God and anything he has done for anyone.
I love that God accepts hypocrites because I am one. He doesn’t want me to be one but in time maybe I’ll change. Either way, He loves me.
I got big things coming for me and I can’t forget where I’ve come from and who I am. I know I’m not going to be understood by many people but that doesn’t matter to me anymore. I can’t let it get to me. I want to be successful and to be successful I can’t worry about the opinion of others.
To be as real as I can be I want to say that I’ve messed up, I’ve pushed God away. I’m not proud of it. Not at all.
I’m ready to start over again.
Yessenia Diaz has a background in graphic and web design but is also intrigued by writing and teaching. Yessenia created Tru.Works as an outlet for all her talents and continues collecting stories from around the world to share with people all across the interweb. Follow Yessenia on Instagram and her favorite, Twitter, @ythegreatdiaz.