Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you can only hang out with your spouse. That would drive my husband and because we’re not the only two people on this planet we have to deal with sharing our time with others. That’s totally understood in my part.
Before I married my husband I had many great friends, they’re still my friends to this day but things have changed. I used to have many male friends, I always felt like I could relate and speak to guys more easily than women.
In marriage, it’s a bit hard to have a male best friend because your spouse then becomes my best friend. Since marriage, I’ve found that I was looking for a girl best friend much like the friends my husband has found over the years. I have seen that I have friends but I keep a balance between my friendships now and my marriage and my husband does too but since my husband got into dance and the entertainment industry he’s had a good friend he goes to auditions with and practice together.
I find that to be a great friendship, one where I don’t have to worry about it much. What I mean by worry about is that I don’t have to deal with drama.
Friends and Their Drama
My husband and I rarely argue. If we do it’s always because of someone else. WHethere they know it or not it’s what they write in social media, who my husband was with what my boss says, and I can go on and o about the stress and problems other people can bring into our lives.
The friends I absolutely want nothing to do with are ones without a job, without transportation, and without a level head. I can’t have friends asking my for money, asking for rides to work and adding drama into my life.
I’ve had friends where they couldn’t stand when I hung out with another person more than them. I’ve had friends try to split my husband and I apart. I’ve had friends spread rumors about me, lie to me, and trick me which normally I wouldn’t care about because I shake things off and am a forgiving individual but when I got married all these characteristics I’ve found in a friend I decided I didn’t want in my household.
My Friends as a Wife
My friends are usually female. I have many more male friends that I hang out with less and spend time with more female friends than I actually talk to. I’m not sure if that statement makes sense but I feel as if I have very few girlfriends where I can talk to about things like money, psychology, and even religion like I can with men.
As you can see I have friends of both genders and it’d be hypocritical of me to ask my husband t have purely male friends but there’s a respectful way for each of us to have friends that are our opposite sex that makes the bothe of us feel comfortable. Here are a few tips:
- All of our friends know that we’re married
- All of our friends support ur marriage and want it to work
- My husband and I know about each others whereabouts and who we hang out with and why
- We try our hardest to meet each others friends as to put a face to the name fr all parties
- No more than 1-2 drinks of alcohol without each other present as to be responsible
- No conversation or advice from unmarried friends about our marriage
- Defend and talk well of spouse
Many of these rules have come up because of marriage mistakes we’ve made. Because of these rules, we have a safeground when it comes to having friends. These rules imply that we can have friends of the opposite sex. If we banned having friends of opposite gender it’s awkward and stressful. It just can’t exist. There just has to be a valid reason as to why I or myhusband needs to spend alone time with another man or woman.
Examples of Friendships
Now, I have male friends that I can go to te gym with, or that I can hang and drink with but as soon as I feel that the male friend may be interested in me I usually leave early or remind them I’m married. I’ve learned this from past issues that I would not want to repeat again.
I’m usually the one who pushes my boundaries with friendships since I prefer male friends than female, unlike my husband who I’ve come to learn that I’ll never catch him alone with another woman unless it’s business. Females stress him out for the most part.
At the end of the day, these friendships can’t exist without trust in your spouse. I have found that jealousy and suspicions usually occur when a friendship has gone too far. You can only imagine what your spouse does with his friends while you’ve shared intimate information with them in conversation that only your spouse should know.
Without trust, it’s hard to have friends and all of us get together and enjoy drinks and laugh it up over food. I have found that with trust, transparency, and respect from friends and your spouse, it is possible to have friends of any kind while you’re married.
Yessenia Diaz has a background in graphic and web design but is also intrigued by writing and teaching. Yessenia created Tru.Works as an outlet for all her talents and continues collecting stories from around the world to share with people all across the interweb. Follow Yessenia on Instagram and her favorite, Twitter, @ythegreatdiaz.