My life has been a difficult one and I have fought many battles with depression throughout my life. In the beginning, I was losing many battles. During middle school I was the class clown, I loved to make everyone laugh. I had many friends, got great grades in school especially in math and science. I loved to draw and I was pretty active playing basketball.
I was happy, but that all changed with I got into high school. I had no friends and people began to bully me. I was always a chubby kid but that never bothered me until I got into high school and people kept making fun of me. I had no one to turn to and so I began seeking comfort in food and my weight ballooned up to 340 lbs. or more. After a certain point, you stop weighing yourself. I stopped playing basketball and I lost my interest in drawing and in school so eventually, I dropped out.
I lost myself. I never kept a job for more than 6 months and not because of my work ethic but because I had no interest in bettering myself at all. I preferred to save that money and waste it in alcohol. I am not an alcoholic per say, I do currently drink, but responsibly with friends. When I was drinking, I forgot about the problems that I was dealing with. They say that people who love to make people laugh are the saddest because they know what it is like to hurt and in my case was true. If you ask people who knew me they
They say that people who love to make people laugh are the saddest because they know what it is like to hurt and in my case was true. If you ask people who knew me they would have never said that I was going through depression because I acted like a dork to make people laugh but I was. I never thought of seeking professional help because of the stigma behind it. I did not want to be labeled as “sick” but I was and I did need help back then.
About two years ago I decided to better myself physically and emotionally. I joined a gym and I loved it. I went from 340 lbs. all the way down to 190 lbs. I started reading and watching motivational speakers and I began to feel happy. So I decided to change my life and moved down to Florida. Things were going great but it just did not feel right. Then I got hurt at the gym and I discovered that depression is not something that you can beat once and be done with it. Depression is a constant battle, but those battles make you stronger in life.
I currently feel lost, but I have hope that it will get better. So I am taking some time off to find myself before I return to the Big Apple. One piece of advice I have for people that are feeling lost and alone is to find something that you love and do it every day. Whether it is working out, drawing, swimming, do anything that will make things better in your life. You are not alone and you can get through this.
This is a true story, for all to read and understand that they are not alone.