I was on finding the love of my life. I wanted to find my husband and fulfill my fairytale so bad that I dropped my standards and gave myself up to anyone. I don’t mean that I gave myself up sexually.I mean I gave myself up and tried so hard with boys over and over again that didn’t want what I want.
When I turned 18, I decided to get baptized and had a vision of the way my life was going to be if I continued the way I was. Long story short, it was what most people call an epiphany. I called it a realization from God. Either way, there was a man that I finally noticed. A man that when I met him God told me he was going to be my husband but at 16, I wasn’t listening to God. I was looking for a specific person that fit the mold of my prince charming.
I remember when I met him, it was at my first day of work at my first job ever. McDonalds is where I met him and we worked there together for the next 4 years, When I started he was already there 2 weeks and was working the headset and speaking to clients through drive-thru.
I remember he looked at me and I saw him at the window. He was 14 and I was 16 and so to me he was a cute little boy. Then God told me, “He is your husband”. I remember I told God in my mind, no way! He’s cute but he’s too young for me. I introduced myself to him while clocking in one day, and wanted to be his friend. So I talked to him about his broken arm. He didn’t want to tell me how it broke but he did. He was playing football with a friend on a trampoline. To this day we thank his friend because if he didn’t break my husband’s arm I would’ve never had anything to talk to him about when we met.
As the months passed, My husband grew older, I dated boys and he dated also. Eventually I noticed that he liked me. I could tell because he paid attention to me a way no other boy did. He planned to hang out with me and we watch so many movies together. He would have me over so much and we would argue at McDonalds all day. Of course I grew fond of him and flirted with him any chance I got but I never considered him as a boyfriend.
Eventually, I cared for him but I denied loving him and that we were to be together. I wanted to choose my own destiny. To admit what I wanted is embarrassing but funny. As an 18 year old girl I wanted to be with an Asian man, and have asian children because I thought they were the cutest. I tried so hard to achieve that fantasy but it didn’t work.
After I ended it with my last boyfriend. My husband found out after I told the youth group I went to that he attended also. It was as if our friendship was restored and we forgave each other for our mistakes (my husbands side of the story is interesting also). He never asked me out. Even when I admitted I liked him. He never did. He didn’t have the guts.
Until one day.
One day I was to meet my husband’s sister at church and was to hang out with her. Their mom didn’t want me to walk at night all the way to the church from my house. Coincidentally, my husband had gotten off of work and McDonalds was downtown and so his mom forced him to walk me the rest of the way to the church. I was so nervous to see him. We haven’t spoken in days.
It wasn’t until that day that I realized that I hurt him. I hurt this man bad.