I never understood why my mother did things the way she did. I’m not going to talk about the things that she did for myself and my siblings that were motherly such as cooking, cleaning after us and caring for us as we grew up.
I’m talking about the way she enjoyed listening t bachata or salsa while she cleaned or did the laundry. I remember that she hated lovey-dovey movies and enjoyed thrillers and action.
She was not a sentimental woman and was on top of errands and always kept to herself. She was strict with herself and set high expectations for herself and her children.
She liked to sing. It was the thing that I loved that she did and she was a rather good singer.
These are small memories of my mother before her divorce with my father. Afterwards, her personality and the way she dis things changed of course. She became the sole provider and now that I think about it I have no idea how she took care of 4 kids by herself.
No other man took care of us. Absolutely no other man helped my mother. In fact they took more away from us than help out.
My mother became less strict with us because she wasn’t home as much. She always worked out in her room and she continued doing that. She was fit and always ate enough food.
She reminded us to keep ourselves thin and to care for our bodies and she let us be ourselves.
My teenage self hated my mother. I blamed her for a lot of things that happened between my father and I. Today I realized that I can’t judge my parents because I have no idea what went on. I’ve accepted something happened and they’re not together anymore. I’m not okay with it but I don’t hate my mom or dad anymore. I’m alright about things now.
I share this with you because I found myself trying so hard to not be like my mother. I wanted nothing to do with her and was hoping to leave her and my siblings behind in my hometown with no regrets.
God worked in me and now I miss my family more than ever. Even though I wanted nothing to do with them I now want to see them more when I can’t because I live in another state.
I’m 24 now and I have found that my mother and I have so many similarities now. Singing, I do that everywhere now. In fact, what I miss most of all about my hometown is that I was able to blast music loudly in my car and sing my heart out privately whenever I wanted to. In New York City there’s no privacy. We have roommates and people are everywhere.
I find that when I have any chance to have privacy I’m listening to the same music my mom did years back. I’m dancing like she did and enjoying myself.
Another thing I know that’s from her is that I’m a germaphobe now. The older we get a lot of people get like this but it’s the way I do things that I know it’s her way. I’m constantly tidying up and moving things around. I’m making sure that I know where everything is and keeping things organized even if my paperwork is in a shoebox. I’m shredding things and writing down reminders and notes.
My mom never lost a thing. At leas from what I remember. Funny but if I lost something when I was younger I would go to her and she always knew where things were.
My mom also knew her way around the kitchen. She can cook so good that people buy her food off of her or ask for leftovers. I love her food. I am now in the kitchen cooking for my husband and myself but I’m teaching myself how to cook new things.
I clean up right after I’m done eating my meal. I never leave dirty dishes. My mom was this way, she was very efficient. I only noticed this was her way of doing things when I lived with a couple that would cook and leave their dishes in the sink for a couple days until they had t wash them to cook another meal.
I hated the way my roommates did things but it’s because I do things my mother’s way.
You know what else I found was like her. I hate mushy movies unless I’m planning to watch a romance. I hate when strong characters show their weakness on the big screen. It bothers me and I have no idea why. I never saw my mom watch an emotional movie. I mean, I’ve seen my mom cry twice. Once after an event that led to my parent’s divorce and years earlier when her mother was killed.
I find myself a little heartless toward my husband. If he’s in pain, I didn’t believe him. If he’s upset I was unsure of how to act toward him. I had no justice for someone who lets themselves be emotional especially in public.
It bothers me. That’s the way my mom is. But you know something my mom is a people person. As much as she hides in her home I know she loves making people laugh and to make jokes. She jokes with us all the time. She refers to memories of our childhood and loves making silly jokes with us. I love seeing her smile.
Years ago I would’ve never written an article like this about my mom. I would’ve written a hate article about what I thought she did to our family but luckily around that time, there was no such thing as blogging.
My mother may keep to herself but I know who she truly is. Although she may feel suppressed and be suppressed by others I know that I lift her up and that one day soon I want to take her to see the world. Even though I’m considered a daddy’s girl I have a heart for my mother. I’m alive because of her and I’m thankful for it.