Heartbroken, Learn to Love Right

Heartbroken, Learn to Love Right
©Jeremy Cai 2016

There’s a joy in making people laugh. I have no idea what it is but when I can make someone laugh, my day has been completed. I love making the most serious person in the office laugh. I enjoy seeing someone’s face light up or to get them out of their shell.

I find it astounding that I can go a day without laughter. I smile all day but that’s not the same as someone invoking a smile on your face unexpectedly. When someone cracks a joke to you and makes you laugh you let your guard down just a little bit. You know you can go back to that person for another smile.

When the day is rough, we look to positive people to lighten our mood up. Comedians and entertainers take us out of our day to day grind and bring laughter upon the world. At least that’s their initial intention.

When my friends have a rough day or receive bad news in the week I like to make them smile when they see me so they can feel as if even though this struggle is happening right now it’ll soon pass. My hurt and pain will move on and I’ll still be standing. There’s always light at the end of the tunnel.

Have you ever seen the people who have such a horrible resting face on the subway? I want to take my hand and make my pointer fingers make sad-faced people smile artificially.

This world has absolutely so much opportunity in it and I have no understanding why people can be so upset with anything that happens to them.

Then I realized, I’m still young. When I look around the subway these people are all at a point in their journeys and it so happens that we all crossed paths in that moment.

(Amazing thing is 2 days after I wrote this, I hurt someone and I found myself crying on the train, yeap).

Some of these people may have just gotten diagnosed with cancer. A lot of these people are running on less than 5 hours of sleep, and others have court, hangovers, work, or just got word on a the death of a family member.

Life isn’t fair all of the time.

Everyone knows that.

Life sucks sometimes and many people find ways to get them out of their slump. Many people look to other people for advice or a cheerful note. I love being that person to make you smile.

I realize that I can only give so much. People who know me, know that I can spit jokes all day. They can be funny or not but I’ll keep going. I love to do that, it’s gotten me in trouble so many times. I found that when I get home I’m emotionally drained. I want someone to make me laugh as much as I make others laugh.

I am heartbroken.

I give away so many smiles and I find that I want to receive the same laughter. The reason I give away laughs is because I want to laugh too. I want my friends to make me laugh as much as I make them crack up.

At work, I will have at least spoken to everyone once. I will say hi to you and will catch up with you quickly. I want someone to do that same thing for me. I learned that conversation and making people laugh is one of the things I love to do and connects me to people.

How I show love to my friends doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s what everyone wants to do. Everyone loves differently. Some people love affirmation. Others like gifts and to have spent time with them.

There are 5 different ways people express love and want to be loved and are considered the 5 love languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. I want to share this with you because not a lot of people know that the love they give others is the love they want to receive.

I spit out words of affirmation constantly to others. For example, I’ll let you know how great you look, how awesome of a job you’re doing, you are so cute, you mean the world to me, or even an I love you. I love sharing these things with my friends and my husband and that’s because subconsciously, I want to hear these words.

Words of affirmation make me feel loved and appreciated. I’m not the only human who thinks this way. Everyone wants to feel loved by their peers, friends, and spouse. It’s all in us.

Learning to understand the way people want to be loved is incredible. Words of affirmation are 1 way to love someone out of the 5 love languages. Some people like to be loved by receiving gifts.

As for me, I enjoy getting gifts. I don’t feel so loved by gifts as I do by words of affirmation but I do love the idea that someone thought about me to take the time and money to get me a gift.

You’ll see that people who like to give gifts are out there in the world giving gifts all the time. Most people who love this way want to receive gifts themselves. It’s their love language.

Other people like spending quality time with others. They take the time to text you, call you and plan time to go out with you. People who want to be spent time with usually spend time with others themselves because this is how they want to be loved.

Another group of people has acts of service as their love language. For these people actions speak louder than words. They believe that if you love them you’d show them by doing things around the house for them or running errands that need to be done without them asking for it. To me, this is the weirdest love language. I think it’s thoughtful to automatically do this for someone you love and then I realized that this is a love language that is not number 1 for me but probably number 3 on my list.

You can be more than 1 love language. I’m pretty sure most people want to be loved in all 5 love languages but at different degrees.

The last love language is physical touch. It’s an intimate love language. You just loved being hugged, kissed, massaged, rubbed and played with. To you, that means the world to you. This doesn’t mean that you need these touches to lead into sex but it’s your way of feeling like someone loves you and is there for you.

It’s important to know what your love language is but it’s also important to understand that just because you want to be loved a certain way it doesn’t mean your significant other doesn’t necessarily need to be loved the same way.

I love words of affirmation. I want to hear that from my husband all the time how great I am. He needs those words also but he would rather be touched to feel loved which makes me uncomfortable.

You see, if I give gifts to someone who wants to be loved by words of affirmation, it doesn’t necessarily work out so well. They’ll appreciate your effort but that’s not how they want to be loved. You ever give so many gifts to someone and found they never gave you anything in return? The reason for that is that they don’t want to be loved that way.

It’s your job to love your significant other the way they want to be loved and vice versa. When you both understand each other’s love language you won’t waste time in pointless efforts with each other. It doesn’t mean that the gift giver can never give their spouse gifts ever again, it just means that when you give that gift to your spouse it will never be received the way the gift giver will intend for it to be received.

As much as I like to give words of affirmation to people, some people don’t want to hear it or don’t need it.

That’s okay because it takes 7 billion people to make the world go round.

What is your love language? You can find out by checking out the 5 Languages website or buying the 5 Love Languages off Amazon today.

2 Comments

  1. Julius Hibbitt
    July 13, 2016

    Awesome

    Reply
    1. Yessenia Diaz
      August 18, 2016

      Thank you so much!

      Reply

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