How I Stay Calm in the Struggle

How I Stay Calm in the Struggle
©Rob Manke 2015

In the midst of a horrible karma hitting me, I find that I am more calm to stress than others. It may come from the adversity that I grew up with after my parents divorced but even though I give credit to my strength in adversity to what I went through as a child I know that I’m truly balanced (for the most part) because of my faith in Christ.

I know, this stuff gets old but please hear me out. I know some of you may not be believers but I’ll tell you what there’s no other way I could’ve gotten through what I’ve gone through in my life it wasn’t for God’s love.

At the same time, while I was at work I found myself stressing because I wasn’t aware of what my husband was doing or feeling while we were apart. He was unstable to me. The reason behind our stress was a very hectic living situation at our last apartment in Brooklyn.

Two weeks ago my now ex-roommate gave my husband and me seven days to find a new place to live. Although I’m giving my account of this story I truly believe this situation was unfair and there’s no way that anyone can say with this man did to my husband and I was just. It just totally wasn’t.

Not knowing where I’m gonna live is a familiar thing for me. It’s not new for me to have to pack my bags and move on to make some other place my new home. It is sad to me that I’m actually used to this gypsy living and with each apartment, we move into, I believe that that apartment is it. This is the final one before I buy a house and it never is. I think:

“This is the apartment I’ll be staying at for a couple year to make my home.”

It never happens. The longest I’ve ever stayed at one location after I got married was a year and a couple months. We’ve lost security deposits and have given up many things. Prior to my marriage, I’ve lived with my dad, at college, with my mom, my aunts, and just about a bunch of places. I don’t blame my husband at all for all the moving because even before him I moved around every few months or so.

That being said, when my roommate texted me, not my husband, that he wanted us out it really pissed me off. I was just fed up with moving. This time, it was different because we had more things to move than if we knew we weren’t going to stay at that apartment permanently.

I was given 7 days to find an apartment. That definitely didn’t happen. Our roommate was pissed that we stayed behind and so we stayed 5 more days in our room scrambling to figure out where to move to.

It’d be different if I was living in Pennsylvania where it’s not so hectic and hard to move around but in New York City, it is hell on earth trying to locate an apartment or room. You have to think about the borough you’ll move into, neighborhoods, commutes, roommates and how you’re going to move things without a car.

We didn’t have a place to move into until October 1st. That being said we stayed in different hotels, Airbnb’s and friends places for those few days we were “homeless”. We risked our safety, groceries, and laundry and boy it was difficult.

Most of our things were still in our old room and my husband was so stressed. I felt as if I was his rock in a hard place. I found us an apartment to move into and my husband eventually found the one that we’re staying at now but even so I’ve never seen him get so mad at God.

To this day, I have no idea why we had to move out. I constantly complained about our roommate and hated how disgusting he was and maybe God didn’t want us stressed about him.

I mean this guy was so irresponsible he didn’t give us wifi or hand my mail to me. Sometimes he’d forget stuff and I’d have to save his butt and help him run errands and I find it such a shock that he finds it nonchalant to ask us to leave without a 30-day notice.

He was so dirty that he shaved his pubes and left them in the shower drain. I was furious.

Everything that guy did toward us was illegal. Even after all that he wanted $350 back because of the extra five days we stayed at the apartment. He’s cost us way more than that. In the end, we escaped him and left the apartment and was able to take our things without him being there and without paying him. We did everything right, legally.

During this time, I knew that God did this for a reason. Maybe my husband and I were distant, maybe my husband needed a faith awakening experience. Maybe God wanted to strengthen our marriage, or simply God may have wanted us to see our faith.

In the end, we’ll never know why God had allowed that to happen to us. It was during this week where my husband and I talked the most to each other, where my husband got baptized and where I took time off from work to reflect on myself.

I could’ve been angry about it but I wasn’t. I was okay. There were times where I felt anxius, but I knew it came from how my husband reacted to everything. He’s not good at these things.

That’s alright with me because we balance each other out.

I beleive I stay strong because I know I’m alive for a bigger purpose than I know. I’ve been on this earth 25 years now and although that’s not much life experience it’s enough to know that messed up things happen to everyone but its all in the hands of God. When I wasn’t sure how I was going to pay for college books, God provided. When we first moved to New York City God provided a temporary apartment for us. With everything I’ve been through, God has always provided a home for me.

After some reflection, I believe God wanted us away from our exroommate. He was very suspicious and untrustworthy. Not nly that, he was a liar and a jerk.

I just know that God will never leave me on the streets.

He’s never left me without a home. He’s always provided. When all else fails God kept me calm. I read Scripture where people in the Bible have gone through worse than me and so with a new covenent, how much better off am I?

This is my belief. God took care of Joseph, Moses, David, Solomon, and many others.

Why not me?

That is why I can never believe I’d be thrown to the wolves. I can never believe I’d be left to die and shrivel away. I can never imagine God putting these dreams in my heart for me to pass away over something I had no control over. It’d be a different story if I chose to leave New York and do nothing with myself but this situation was brought to me. I didn’t ask for it.

I tried explaining this to my husband but as we can see we are clearly from two different backgrounds.

God’s always promised my safety. I hold that promise near my heart. It’s the only way I know that I can do the things I do and not stress about the money, the recognition, and other things.

I learned a lot about my husband in this two week of stress but I learned I love him even more so.

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