I Have Trust Issues With My Boyfriend
As a society, especially in youth culture- we don’t trust many people. It’s obvious with the rise of cell phones and social media usage that it’s easier to pretend to be someone you’re not online. Many women struggle with cell phones and their partner’s use of them. Having your boyfriend’s passcode to his cellphone is even a trust accomplishment today that it’s no wonder many girls say, “I have trust issues with my boyfriend” simply because they don’t have the passcode to their boyfriend’s cellphone.
Not only that, many of us come from broken families, and are living in an age where information is so easily accessible that we can Google the truth on anyone and even come to our own conclusion about what we were taught in school. In school, I was taught that Africa and South America were never attached to each other. That information changed very quickly.
We can receive the wrong information from schools, be lied to by our own parents, and mislead by our own peers.
Once the trust is broken you see that person differently. Your relationship is different, and the only thing that can repair the trust is time. It’s no wonder a lot of girls are now saying, “I have trust issues with my boyfriend”.
We don’t really want to take the time to work for the trust we lost anymore. The reason trust takes so much time to build is because trust in someone is absolutely feeling like you can be vulnerable to them.
The word vulnerability is tough to swallow
Have you ever thought of what it meant to be vulnerable to someone?
Vulnerability? Let’s actually talk about this. Have you ever felt vulnerable to someone before?
Vulnerability feels like that moment when you lay out your heart for someone in fear that they could save it or crush it.
I can only take that anxiety from one person and that’s my husband. That’s only because I can trust him wholeheartedly. I know that he wouldn’t hurt me on purpose. I can trust him for that. My heart can only go to one person. That person is my husband.
Right now, I can’t be this way with my friends. At least not yet. I’m able to be this way more and more every day with my sisters but my husband has seen the worst in me and the best.
Vulnerability with my husband is in a few examples admitting spending extra money, lying to him, gaining weight, suffering depression, overeating, losing a job, moving, debt- he absolutely knows everything and understands my insecurities about my weight, health, face, hair, shyness, everything- and he’s still with me.
It’s the best feeling in the world for someone to love you in spite of the fact that you’re not perfect. That’s true vulnerability.
Don’t throw a relationship away just like that
We work hard to keep trust and regain trust if we lose it wholly or partially.
For those of us that throw people away as soon as they lose our trust, I understand that this is the culture of today but you provide a bigger impact onto someone else’s life by working on rebuilding trust with someone.
Now of course, if you steal from me- I’ll forgive you and we can work on being friends again but you won’t be holding onto my purse for a very long time.
Actually, you don’t have to be friends again- that person just needs to hear that you forgave them.
How powerful it is to feel forgiven, like weights removed from your chest.
This concept is easier said than done. It truly is. It’s so hard to forgive some and tell them you have forgiven them. It’s also even harder after that to mend a relationship with someone who threw your trust out the door. Rebuilding trust isn’t easy. Thankfully I found this article by Focus on the Family on how to rebuild trust when it’s broken.
This is why it’s great to forgive someone and let them go and mend relationships with the people who truly matter. To me, this includes my family, who I did not always have a good relationship with or your life partner.
Forgiving someone instead of walking away from them
Imagine that time you messed up. Remember that moment someone found out you lied, cheated, or stole? You were caught redhanded. We all make mistakes. If the shop owner were to press charges against you for stealing lipstick from their makeup section it’s totally well-deserved. What an impact it would be on your life if they forgave you for stealing from them?
This act of forgiveness is different because nowadays no one does that anymore.
Could it be that it’s time to forgive your partner’s mistakes and just be vulnerable to them? They’d instantly be in awe of you and your forgiving heart. They’d think, ” How can someone still be with me even though I’ve hurt them”?
Trust can be earned. If the trust in your relationship is broken it can be earned back. My husband and I are pure examples of that. Not only that but other couples are a testament to this fact. You can’t have a successful marriage without forgiving failures. That’s impossible.
At the beginning of our marriage, I forgave a lot. It’s only now, five years late, where it seems my husband is having to do more forgiving than me!
Another tip of mine is that I think before I react
One of the worst things my husband ever did was spend my savings money in my account. I trusted him with our finances. Yet, it was too late. The money I saved was gone. We almost didn’t make rent.
Years have passed and today I have my eyes on our bank account at all times. It is just wise to do so. It’s less temptation for someone to handle money if they know someone else is holding them accountable for that money. Not only that but the second pair of eyes helps catch things more quickly than if one person is viewing the accounts.
Today, I don’t view the accounts remembering his past mistakes.
Long story short, I forgave him. I was mad and upset with him for over a year, probably 2 years yet I held that in and had to learn to begin to trust him again. It wasn’t easy. But I learned my lesson. I should be involved in our finances.
The thing was, I know my husband. He thought he was doing the right thing. I know my husband would work hard to repair the damage and earn back that money. His hard work and determination are what lead me to trust him again.
Let’s say he still spent our money. I’d understand that that was who he was. I’d take control of the money we made and we’d go from there. I would acknowledge his issue and become tighter with our finances, but luckily I don’t have a husband like that.
If you’re still saying “I have trust issues with my boyfriend”, you haven’t listened to a single word I’m saying.
Life is too short to distrust every single person that messes up. You will have friends that mess up. Not only that but, you will mess up too, you’re not perfect. Friendships that last, are the friendships that forgive the screws and the mistakes. Relationships that are strong have partners that understand each other’s weaknesses and strengths.
Your boyfriend isn’t perfect either. Let it go. Leave him to do whatever on his phone. Let him go out whenever he needs to. Eventually, everything will come to light. The fact that you act like you trust him is amazing enough to him that he wouldn’t want to hurt you and destroy that trust.
He’s not perfect. He will break your trust.
Does that mean everything is over? No! You forgive him. Eventually, you’ll make a mistake and will want the same from him. I hope this helps you. I know it’s early in your relationship and some things your man does can seem sketchy. But until you let things go and live your life you’ll always be suspicious and anxious about him.
Enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend. Even if things don’t always feel genuine. If you catch yourself saying, “I have trust issues with my boyfriend”, trust your instincts. You’re probably right to be suspicious of something. But is it worth bringing up? Or can it wait until the light brings the truth up? Don’t live your life anxious and worried about your relationship. If something needed to be brought up it will. It always does. More stories like this one right here:
- Why Friendships Are So Important
- I Stopped Looking For A Man To Marry Me
- Men Are Like Cats and Here’s Why
Yessenia Diaz has a background in graphic and web design but is also intrigued by writing and teaching. Yessenia created Tru.Works as an outlet for all her talents and continues collecting stories from around the world to share with people all across the interweb. Follow Yessenia on Instagram and her favorite, Twitter, @ythegreatdiaz.