I was so tired of having the same day everyday. I noticed I wasn’t so happy with my life when I started to feel depressed. Normally I am a chipper and fun loving girl that would be hard to believe or take serious if I were to share with you that I was depressed but honestly it happens to me every once in a while.
Depression can happen to the best of us and I noticed that when I get depressed I have tim to dwell on myself and mistakes in my life. I know I have extra time to think. I started realizing some similarities of what was happening in my life currently whenever I felt low. A few things come to mind. I noticed that at my lowest moments I felt that I was alone.
What is strange about feeling alone when I’m at my lowest moments is that I am married. How can I be alone or feel alone when I’m married. Every night and all day I talk to my husband. We spend time together and I feel great when I’m in communication with him.
I cannot believe that I was miserable when my husband was gone. I realized that possibly I don’t do anything that I used to do. I forgot what I used to do. I started to trackback the history of my life (I’m not that old) and I remember that I use to draw and that I had a business idea years ago that I wanted to do and I was obviously into graphic design if I’m going to school for it.
I forgot myself
What I’m trying to say is that I got married I focused so hard on keeping my marriage strong and making it affair-proof. See, I was so obsessed with keeping my marriage from divorce and it probably has to do with the fact that my parents were divorced. What is crazy to me is that they were together for 13 years and decided to call it quits.
My obsession with keeping my marriage alive and flourishing had gotten so bad that my husband actually asked me to stop thinking of him before I think of myself so much. He really told me to stop focusing my time and attention on him and do something for myself. I cannot believe that I worked so hard to be selfless and my husband asked me to be more selfish in our marriage.
What my husband said absolutely hurt my feelings. I thought I was doing the right thing. I actually thought I was being the best wife I could be and he asked me to stop doing that so much.
I realized I was wrong
The idea that I was trying too hard to be the best wife I could be struck my heart badly. It hurt worse that my husband had let me know his opinion about me without hesitation. It even hurt that it came from my husband. That night I thought long and hard and realized that he was right. My husband was absolutely right. I do nothing all day but worry about my husband, his needs, his heart.
I never thought about my own feelings, desires and goals for my life. We were married 2 years at this point and I could not believe how lost I was. What I’m trying to say is that no one should forget themselves. Not a single person should drop their endeavors for someone else and it does not matter who that person is.
Whether it is your mom, spouse, other family members, or your boss you cannot drop your life for someone else. It doesn’t matter what the reason is either. You could be married to the person, they became sick or you work or owe money to them it doesn’t mean you stop working toward your goals.
A new start
Once I began thinking about my goals and writing them down I got excited. I was now free to not only enjoy my marriage but enjoy my life for myself. I started my own business and named it Tru.Works. Not only that I am now writing for my website and decided to eventually want to expand Tru.Works. Even though some days I found myself lonely whenever I would be caught up on chores or fresh out of ideas for my website, I know now that I need to get myself around other people.
I did some research online and decided to try out looking for social groups through Meetup, Eventbrite, or even Craigslist community groups. I was able to find a church that teaches Japanese in Manhattan for free, and was able to get involved in a small group in my church. It just so happens both events are happening at churches! I also got in contact with old contacts and was offered my old job back at a higher salary and given another job opportunity to make more money. Money is money.
I then learned how to make my own latte with an espresso machine class. A month ago, I would have never jumped at these opportunities. The great thing of exposing myself is being able to share my website by word of mouth to new friends.
The best of us
All of us are wonderful people with goals in our lives that are meant to reached. No matter what events may occur in our lives our dreams should never be left behind for another person.Like I said, this person can be a debt collector, a friend or family member. There has to be a point in your life where you decide when to end the madness of keeping yourself available for one person who’s following their own dream, why not go for your own things?
I chose to blog, you may choose to dance, get fit, read more, draw, paint, create websites, or invest! Who cares, what you do make sure you just go ahead and do it!
I no longer have the feeling of loneliness because I am too busy. Whenever I’m not doing anything I am resting. My mind has no extra time to think about the bad things in life because I am only doing meaningful and productive actions to fill my day and head toward accomplishing my dreams.