Loneliness Can Kill You
Loneliness is one of the worst feelings you could ever feel. At work, everyone can be laughing at a joke your boss made yet you feel disconnected. At home, your spouse can be so busy that you rarely see each other. It’s only for a season but it’s tough being alone. The feeling of loneliness can kill you.
I speak about loneliness because it’s this feeling that is my biggest personal struggle. No matter what I do I can’t be alone for a long period. My husband can’t help me with this and I’ve been dealing with this struggle all of my life.
That feeling creeps up on me when I least expect it and when it hits me it’s fierce. One moment I’m enjoying myself watching Netflix on the couch and the next moment I realize that I’m alone. There’s no one for me to take care of, and all you have left is yourself.
When I was younger this moment would make me gasp for air. I’d panic and my panic attacks were long. I had many and as I got busier in life and worked more the attacks settled.
There are a few ways I’ve combatted the feeling of loneliness. And as I get older I now realized that everything I ever do is to prevent myself from ever feeling loneliness ever again.
I’ve tried communicating my loneliness with my spouse
My husband works in the dance industry. Now we’ve been married 6 years and his work life doesn’t usually affect me so much unless I’m on the road or he is. But during the summer he got busier and I found myself stuck at home more often. I wasn’t working, I had not much freelance to do and I also couldn’t work on Tru.Works due to computer issues. I was alone and unable to work on projects and look for more design work.
This was a drag for me, and usually, when I get like this I end up going out and spending money. Which is never a good thing.
It got pretty bad, where I chose to begin trying new beers and drinking more and going out more which isn’t necessarily bad but it wasn’t me, It was a bored me.
This feeling isn’t something someone should deal with alone so I made sure to tell my husband. Although he doesn’t get like this himself he understood it was something I struggle with.
He knows I struggle with loneliness but can’t always tell when that’s what I’m feeling.
He made more time and canceled some gigs for me which was super sweet, but, of course, it doesn’t solve the underlying issue that I can’t be alone.
Then I thought I should fill up my time with other things so I didn’t feel lonely
I changed my focus from Tru.Works to my main job with Shake Shack. I want to open my own business and at Shake Shack, I’m learning everything I need to know for when it comes time to open my first store.
My job is something I take very seriously but never more serious than Tru.Works. After my promotion, I stopped Tru.Works production, and I even stopped taking care of myself. There was no gym, no time for friends, and no time for Tru.Works.
My promotion also led me to be transferred to a new location and my schedule fluctuated a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, but I knew I was lonely during this time. I just didn’t understand why.
I filled up my time with work yet it didn’t fulfill me. I was still alone.
Then my laptop died and it hit me.
Today, my Macbook Pro 2011 died on me. While I watched my Macbook glitch on me it hit me that I’ve been working with a pretty old laptop for over 3 years, and it’s these past 3 years where I’ve made the most progress with Tru.Works.
What hit me was that my loneliness stemmed from my laptop.
Let me explain.
Boredom caused my loneliness
When I’m lonely, it’s because I’m bored. That’s probably a no brainer for most of you but for me, I didn’t think that was it. There just had to be a more rational reason as to why I felt lonely, and why I began different habits when I was lonely. I was way too focused on my main job, and I spent money on clothes and other things that I didn’t need to and began to drink more. None of this satisfied me.
Using my new laptop I realized that I haven’t worked on Tru.Works since May. And to be frank, I haven’t created podcasts and worked on any social media, magazines, or created products in over a year.
This was all due to having a slow laptop that I was used to working with. And then my laptop died. I thought I was doing enough but in fact, I wasn’t producing anything.
My lack of focus caused my loneliness
My focus was way off. I love Shake Shack, I love my husband, and I love all the other things I do but the reason for my existence is my work. I enjoy creating and sharing stories for others to read. I appreciate connecting with people and learning from others.
I couldn’t do that anymore because I had no way to keep doing that without my laptop.
Hence, the loneliness began. I couldn’t do my work.
Listen, if you’re lonely I’d ask yourself if you’re utilizing your time well? Are you doing something worth living for? Are you living for someone else? Could you be living a life that doesn’t challenge you?
I was. For a year I was and I didn’t realize it. When you feel lonely it should trigger you to think why is it that you feel this way. What are you doing with your time?
Are you busy, and by busy I mean productive? Are you doing what you love to do? Are you spending time with the people that matter? Are you living your life’s purpose?
I was lonely because I stopped living
I wasn’t. Loneliness almost killed me. But loneliness also saved me. I knew that I was feeling this way for a reason and I had to know what my real issue was.
I wasn’t doing enough. My suggestion to you if you’re feeling lonely is to find out why. Your why is going to be different than mine but if I can understand why I was lonely then I know you can too. Loneliness can kill you. Don’t let it get that far.
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