When you despise your husband, and your husband despises you, it can last for months.
The air is thick and no one wants to bring up the hidden issue.
Then something bad happens, a family crisis, a financial setback, or even big opportunity in which you’re forced to talk to each other.
It’s awkward because you had hated each other for weeks but this forced interaction breaks the ice.
You’ve had a summer of woes, in which you both had felt something was off. You were both unhappy but were committed. In marriage, it’s more than how we felt at the moment, it’s about the commitment we gave each other.
The no matter what, I love you and I’m there for you, even if you’re not.
You knew that in marriage you’ll have your ups and downs and right now you’re both surely in a slump. There is also that feeling of having no way out.
Unlike many others, you both sucked it up, and you had spoken about your issues slowly. Social media, trust, women, work, family, men, roommates- it was so much junk. At the end of the day, one of you brought the issues up. But there was one main issue. Let’s rephrase, there’s always that one question in marriage.
The final question was,
“Are you still there for me?”
That was the question you answered which had led you to fall into a deeper conversation. At the end of all the stress, money, lack of sex, confusion, hurt feelings, you remember the romance, the laughter, the love, and the tears of joy. Ah, the tears of joy. These were the reminders of the love you have for one another.
In relationships, there are ups and downs, obstacles, and mountains to climb together but in marriage- for those of us who take vows seriously- the main difference between a regular relationship and marriage are the vows. The vows mean I’m never going to leave you no matter what, so help me God.
I’m never going to leave you, whether you’re sick, poor, or in your worst of times, I’ll have my spouse to look to. I’ll have my spouse to laugh with and cry to and share my stories with.
The idea that someone will never leave you no matter how ugly you can get, how long you last on this Earth, and how crazy you can get is what makes marriage a marriage.
It can be scary marrying someone who believes that they can leave you whenever they want to.
This is the type of person I wouldn’t marry.
Marriage doesn’t work if you can exit when things get tough.
If that’s your mentality, grow up. This world is not built on fantasies. People die, people lose money. We lose our jobs, we lose our savings, we all have something happen to us. How mandible are you? Can you stretch for your spouse?
Can you bend for your husband?
Can you move over for your wife?
This is the ugly truth about marriage. In confusion, in distress, and in heartache, can you bend without all the answers, without any clear paths to take?
If you’re at a place in your marriage where you find yourself questioning the vows, God, or your spouse, remember that you’re not alone.
Ask God for wisdom in how to speak to your spouse, when to speak to them, and what to say. It’s hard to ask God for help some days, but it’s the only way to make a marriage breakthrough.