I’m married to an aspiring actor, dancer, and performer. When I married my husband I thought I was going to run my business and my husband would work and come back home and we would enjoy each others company. Eventually, we would have children and enjoy life together. At least, that’s what I imagined my life would end like. Then one day he wanted to move to New York City without a job and pursue his dream.
When I heard what he said I knew right there that he was serious. I had never seen him so certain of anything. He was so sure of his decision that he had even let me stay behind if I didn’t want to follow him. Thankfully for me, moving to New York City was a dream come true.
But, I still thought about it hard and realized that my business could be run anywhere and that I’ll just have to find any job I can so that I’m making money. I thought he would too while he worked on his career and I worked on mine.
Now, I had a plan set for myself but my husband didn’t. He’s a more of a live day by day kind of person. I can’t do that, I plan ahead. But, his goal was to dance on the subway and streets to make income. He didn’t want to have a job, and I get it but hello, you don’t know anyone in this city and we have bills to pay!
I was furious after a few months of his ideas but I held my composure.
Again, I had to suck it up. My job was to push him and motivate him to reach his goals and not to complain about his decisions. You see, why would I bring my husband down when I can lift him up and actually motivate him to make money and work hard?
But there’s a limit. Thankfully a good wife sets ultimatums that pushes her husband to make choices.
That’s one of my jobs. To push him to his max and if in the end he makes nothing and does nothing of himself, He still tried and I supported him. That’s part of marriage.
The ultimatum I gave my husband was that he had until the end of that month left to make some type of income or get a part-time job.
He had two weeks to come up with money, and while he made his first forty dollars performing underground, I knew it wasn’t enough but it was a great accomplishment for him and for me.
Eventually, the performances underground stopped and he began teaching dance and performing at events. That eventually became gigs, commercials, and travel opportunities that feed us income and builds his resume.
But, if it wasn’t for my ultimatum- I could see him possibly still being paralyzed to dance underground.
He knew that I loved him and I wanted what was best for him. My husband is a follow your heart kind of guy and I’m a follow your brain kind of woman. While I knew what he wanted was going to be a hard feat, I knew he needed the rational side of me to push him to make moves. Otherwise, he would stay frozen and stay put.
I’m not going to say it was easy watching him for the first month living in New York City “study” at home different ways to make money dancing in New York City while I worked at a restaurant for 8 hours.
I hated seeing him at home letting days pass by him but I knew he was scared.
He knew what he wanted and he knew his dream was right there waiting to unfold but it was time to take the actions needed to make that dream come true.
That can paralyze anyone.
He couldn’t do it himself and that’s why I was there.
Pushing your spouse and motivating them to make moves toward their dreams is very hard especially when you have your own dreams to g for but it has to be done.
That’s what you’re there for. I have always told my husband that it would be easy to stay back home and live a complacent life, raise children, and retire working for someone else but I would be filled with regret sitting on the porch in our old age wondering what it’d be like if we did move to New York City and follow our dance, and design careers.
There’s no doubt about it that at some point I became weak, and my husband pushed me and inspired me too.
We balanced each other out so well, especially in the tough times.
It can be so difficult to see your spouse fail at accomplishing their dreams. You almost want them to give up and move on to something easier but all that struggle, and all those lessons learned will all amount to success. It can take five years, to thirty years. No one knows, but giving up on eachothers dreams is not the answer.
Push each other, and inspire each other to continue the process. It’ll be worth it. You just got to give it time.