I hate going to the doctors. I am actually 25 years old and have never had a Pap smear done. I don’t want one. I just absolutely hate the doctor, health care system, pharmacies, anything and anywhere that gives someone an opportunity to do something to my body either than myself, with or without my permission.
When I was little, I remember I sliced my hand and if I remember correctly, my fingers had to get stitches and I had actually had some type of apparatus added to my fingers that would stab me if I touched my left hand but would prevent me from messing with my stitches. I didn’t realize this piece of equipment was on my hand until I went to ask for a lollipop at the front desk and put out my left hand to the nurse and was shocked at what had happened to my hand. I began to cry.
I hated that. Even so, as I grew older I had gotten myself into fewer accidents but I found that I had my check ups and nurses or doctors would ask me personal questions, had my weight checked, or plainly let me know I was healthy, and I just absolutely hated having someone who didn’t know me need answers from me about myself. I’m quite private about my personal things.
After I got my first period and began learning about sex I had to learn about birth control. It bothered me that people, men, and women, can give up their hormones to a pill, shot, or surgeries. Not only do these modifiers control your ability yo have children or not but they also control your hormones. People say yes to these products without asking about side effects or the ingredients to these products.
Why would I let another human touch my body or have anything to do with my body chemistry without building a relationship with them? Not only that, I have never been asked about my diet whenever I was found to be in an emergency setting, I’ve been made to say yes to certain things and make decisions when I was not thinking clearly. I just can’t trust that completely. I don’t like that I don’t know what is in the flu shot. Heck, every year I say no to flu shots and some years I get the flu once, twice, or three times and other years I am sick free all winter long.
I also don’t like someone having physical information about me and entering it somewhere where I actually have no idea where it is.
I’m gonna admit something, I feel the same toward eye doctors. Never have I ever let an eye drop enter my eyes. It freaks me out that a liquid that I don’t already make myself would be put on my eyes. I already need glasses and I don’t know what that liquid even is.
Funny enough, I love the dentist. They explain everything they do and I am perfectly aware of everything and anything that enters my mouth. They use tools instead of medicine to fix my mouth problems. I hate the X-rays but I love getting my mouth cleaned. Once, they needed to drill a cavity again and asked if I would like a numbing shot. I said no and took that pain to the tooth. Why am I like this, why can’t I be like a lot of people and just let the doctor’s opinions of my body be final or just take a flu shot like everybody else?
I have no idea why I am like this. I like to leave my body alone and leave it as natural as it can be.
Recently, my uncle had fallen into an accidental drug overdose where he had become sedated and given a few hours of life to live. My husband and I had left New York City out of emergency and decided to pray for our uncle and wait for his recovery,
That day my uncle had a few hours left to live. I’m a woman of prayer. I have faith that Gd can and will do whatever He wants and wants best for us if it fits with His best for us. We know what God’s best for us is through His promises in scripture.
Through prayer and faith, my uncle is slowly recovering and will wake up soon. Hopefully, before I’m forced to go to New York City tomorrow.
Even so, I believe that the medical team my uncle had was superb and had a physical hand in helping my uncle even though they did not want us to have any hope for him. There seems to be a balance between the two. God and the medical field.
After this experience, I’ve learned that maybe doctors are necessary. Maybe they are God’s instruments in life. Maybe they do what they need to do every day to save lives or for money but I found a new respect for them.