The reason why it’s easy for me to rest is because I usually don’t bother living a life for myself. I don’t make my own choices or think my own thoughts that can get myself into trouble.
I’m a calm person. Only my husband can get me out of whack and I may even go as far as stating that certain heartaches get to me also such as family sickness, or heartfelt moments between my friends or family but for the most part, I believe I’m more rational than most people.
Those who have seen my silly side, my anger, my tears, or my peace know me well. If you’ve seen any of these sides of me, congratulations, I trust you with my true self.
For those of you who haven’t you’ll see that I am calm, rational, and I’ve even been called intimidating when I personally believe I’m just confident in everything I do.
I’ve psychologically been beaten to death that I’ve become as reliant as I humanly can be of God.
This leads me to have a calm spirit. I believe a spirit that brings people to me for answers or for a simple conversation that can end up anywhere.
I love talking to people and challenging their thoughts and I also enjoy when someone can do that for me.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t guard my heart or my mind. This is why I believe I’m intimidating because I question what people say. It may come off rude but I’m just not going to believe anything just because it makes sense.
There’s only one man who can flip my mindset over quickly and he’s a wise man.
This leads me to say that my stronghold is the Bible. That is my rock.
It may seem stupid to people and sometimes even I think so when I’m down in the dumps but then I get back to reading the Book and it leads me back to peace.
One example I can give was when I was younger l, I believed I loved a girl.
Why can’t I be real with my audience?
She was sweet and very pretty and to this day I would consider her to be the same, although she has moved and I’m not so familiar with her anymore but this girl had me consider myself to be a bisexual or homosexual being.
Now, I was so confused with my life because I never came across this before.
Some of you may say to go for it and trust your feelings but I’m a firm believer that feelings are flags to something else you are uncertain of. They’re not meant to be acted on.
Not only do I believe that but I also believe that if you have no idea what to do, don’t do anything at all. Be patient.
Lastly, I always check back in Scripture to see why my choice should be in any of my life scenarios and I’ve found that I should keep from homosexuality.
That meant just letting go and forgetting about my feelings toward this girl.
At that young age, I just trusted what I read. And 8 years later I don’t regret it. If I would’ve opened that door I could see myself fighting with more than just homosexuality but even my faith and more.
I don’t regret letting that go, I found that I’m more at peace. Yes, I’ll think about it from time to time but then I let it go.
I’m not going to die from not exploring that area of my life. I mean I’m better off I feel.