My biggest fear in the world is divorce. My second biggest fear is being alone. Both these fears have triggered a lot of personality issues. When I first got married I wanted to be the best wife in the world so that my husband would not leave me or divorce me. Lo and behold, I was so obsessive about being a great wife that I was actually annoying.
As a great wife, I had meals cooked every day, sex was always on the table, I babied my husband and was always home for him but at the same time, I was unhappy. I found that he was not the same.
While I was busy being a great wife, working and coming home every night waiting for my husband, he was out dancing and spending time with friends and enjoying his life. This used to upset me so much. I hated that I would be home waiting for him while he would tire himself out and have no energy left to spend with me.
This went on for 2 years, it wasn’t until after I hit a depressive state, especially after we moved back to my hometown, where I knew something was wrong. There was nothing my husband could do to make me happy anymore. I was so unhappy that I had even thought about leaving my husband and following my own dreams like he does but I always thought that was the wrong thing to do.
One day, I remember clearly my husband was driving and I was sitting in the passenger seat so upset and we began talking about what we were gonna do about me. He was so upset that I was always home, he absolutely hated it. He was so fed up that in the middle of conversation he told me to,
Stop being a good wife, and to be selfish and follow my dreams.
I was shocked with this response from him but I felt like all my chains were cut off from my body and I was finally free to be me again. I was certain that this man of mine was crazy and that I drove him off the edge but he found that he was not happy that he was enjoying his life while I wasn’t.
He told me that if I go out and there’s no food prepared at home he’s not going to die, it doesn’t make me a bad wife either and it’s not enough reason to divorce me. It just means he has to feed himself. Which if he doesn’t learn to do anyway he won’t be able to feed himself when he’s out of town or when I am out on business.
My husband assured me that I was a great wife and that it would make him even happier if I followed my dreams. It was this discussion that pushed me to start Tru.Works back up again and move back to New York City.
It was this radical change in our marriage that led us to move to New York City to follow our dreams. I’ve never been in more of a happier place than this season of my life especially in my relationship with my husband. We may see each other less and I’ll cook less and now we share more responsibilities but I’m not a crazy, obsessed wife anymore.