The Temptation to Cheat

Temptation to Cheat
©Alejandra Quiroz 2014

Relationships have their ups and downs and when your relationship is on the rocks you may have a reason to justify having thoughts about cheating on your husband or wife.

What about when you have these thoughts when your husband is awesome? How about when your wife is the love of your life?

There’s always going to be attractive people and there is always going to be new people attracted to you. They’re new and interesting and may bring an excitement that you no longer have even in a happy marriage.

It’s so crazy that thoughts can come into your head like these. “why is he staring at me?” “He just called me baby, what does that mean?”, “She knows I’m married, why does she keep coming so close to me?”

It’s easy on the streets when you have a higher chance of never seeing a catcaller again but of course, at work, it is more difficult to overcome the temptation because you are forced to see this other person every day. You have no choice.

Actually, you do have a choice, but I’ll get to that later.

I realized that when I thought I could handle the temptation I was playing with grace. It’s funny because at work I noticed a boy noticing me and let it go. It got to a point that he was obvious he was interested in me. At work, he doesn’t see my ring because we wear gloves but even so I ignored him.

I would have thought someone would have told him I was married if  but I guess not.

He had even asked me if I was married and I let him know that I was and now I found myself starting to think about this kid more. It’s annoying but this guy gives me attention that is different and new. I haven’t been through this situation since high school but, I don’t ask for the attention. I don’t talk to him about anything that isn’t work-related.

It’s annoying but this guy gives me attention that is different and new. I haven’t been through this situation since high school but, I don’t ask for the attention. I don’t talk to him about anything that isn’t work-related.

But, I caught myself watching him, at first, to see if he was going to respect my space or not. then our eyes caught each others several times and I have to force myself to stop looking in his direction.

I hate it because work was fun and peaceful and now it’s a stress. I’m playing with grace at work now all the time.

I’m looking to see if he’s going to bump into me or if we’re going to be left alone together. It’s not that I want this to happen to me but I’m interested in what’ll happen if it does. I can’t be alone here.

The crazy thing is that I know that this is how affairs begin by thinking you can handle these types of situations on your own but the curiosity is bothering me.

The other day it hit me, I’ve always had this problem. I’ve never physically cheated on my boyfriends or my husband but I’ve had the thoughts. I know I’m not the only one.

It was easier back then to stay away from the talkers, and coworkers who were interested in me but that’s because back then I had no confidence in myself.

This time around, my confidence is higher than I have ever had it. The reason for that is I’ve been working out and dropped wearing my glasses. My glasses were what I hid behind for many years. I felt like it made my nose smaller and my bags less noticeable but now those things don’t matter to me anymore. I’ve gotten over it.

That doesn’t justify my thoughts but, for some reason, I’m taking this as a challenge.

I took this challenge from who I believed was from the devil but now I realize this may be from God. I tried so hard to ignore this dude by my own strength but I ended up trying to get to know him more. I made my issue worse! I have no idea how that happened but it did.

The last day I saw this guy was the worst because he called me baby, and I ignored him. I always ignore that stuff. Now I wasn’t sure if that was in a “friendly” way or not but either way, I’m married and only one man can call me this is my husband.

I do want to say that my husband and I are close and he knows about the attention I get from men from work or out on the street. He even knows about my thoughts. He’s not the jealous type. I’ll admit that I wish he got mad about it sometimes. He has even told me that it’s okay that I like attention from other guys because I’m only human.

Seriously, I’m married to the best and humblest guy in the world.

It made me feel worse when he said that and felt like I couldn’t tell my husband that I was actually waiting around for the attention from this guy.

I did let my husband know that my next step is if the guy persists I will stop him in private even though my deceiving heart wants to hear more from this man.

The reason I’m sharing this with everyone is because I’m looked to as a strong woman (at least I believe so). Where I’m from I always felt like I had to be perfect. I had to be the perfect wife, Christian and that I was rich or smart with money and faithful. I felt like people expect me to always do right.

I hated this feeling. It kept me in a cage. I don’t blame anyone for this because it’s my own problem that I associate with my hometown. I’ve always dreamed of the day where I would do whatever I wanted to do and it would be when I moved away. I thought I gave that idea up.

I’m not perfect. I am weak. I play(ed) with grace. I think I can handle things on my own but I can’t. I believe I can outsmart other people. I yell and scream for God’s help with everything but this is the one thing I’ve always tried to handle on my own.

To repeat, I’m not rich. I’m not completely faithful (if you consider these thoughts to be cheating or not) and I’m not an altogether woman. Every day I start over and learn a new lesson.

Like I said, I’ve always had a problem with liking the attention I get from other men and flirting. It wasn’t that big of a deal before because I never saw these guys again and so they did the work, not me.

This time, it’s different because this guy won’t go away and it’s the worst kind of way to be in this situation.

This stressed me out so bad that I gave up and did what I’ve done before and asked God for help. I can’t do it anymore and I don’t want to get involved with someone else.

I love my husband. I want children with my husband and to conquer the world with him and no other man. I know that what this guy has to offer me at work is nothing but physical.

I yelled for God to help me and to bring a border between me and this man because I can’t do it anymore. I can’t deal with the thoughts. I don’t want to do anything stupid.

What’s wild is that I may be exaggerating things because I have never touched this man or said anything to him that would make him believe I’m interested in him. This is how big my conscience is.

Sunday

Sunday came, and the service was great. While worshipping, I had this guy on my mind and I decided to press through and keep worshipping.

Now, I feel like I’ll get the help I need from the best helper out there, Daddy God.

Thinking I can handle things on my own is the beginning of making mistakes that I’ll regret for the rest of my life. You’ll play with the grace given to you and get burned by fire.

I know this temptation is one of the things I have to get past to better myself. I’m looking at it like this: It’s good that this is coming around at my age and I know with God I’ll conquer to not have this effect me later when I’m making bigger decisions and have larger responsibilities.

Without Him, I know I will fail and so I remembered to align myself with Christ and focus on God’s promises for me.

I’m not perfect, I am flawed. I can’t get right with God but Jesus is right with God and He died for me and my sins of the past, now and future.

I know some of you have gone farther than I have and some of you can’t imagine yourselves going through this. I’m not here to judge anyone and if anything I’m relieved that I’m not afraid to be real.

Don’t have an affair. It’ll stick to you forever. Your name will be attached to the word, your future relationships will be affected by it.

People need realness,  not people hiding their weaknesses. I need to know the flaws in people. I need to know that I’m not alone in this.

Yessenia Diaz has a background in graphic and web design but is also intrigued by writing and teaching. Yessenia created Tru.Works as an outlet for all her talents and continues collecting stories from around the world to share with people all across the interweb. Follow Yessenia on Instagram and her favorite, Twitter, @ythegreatdiaz.

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