Why do we trust people less?
As a society, especially in youth culture- we don’t trust many people. It’s obvious with the rise of cell phones and social media usage that it’s easier to pretend to be someone you’re not online
Not only that, many of us come from broken families, and are living in an age where information is so easily accessible that we can Google, the truth on anyone, and even come to our own conclusion about what we were taught in school.
We can receive wrong information from schools, be lied to by our own parents, and mislead by our own peers.
When your trust is broken by someone you see them differently. Your relationship is different, and the only thing that can repair the trust is time.
We don’t really want to take the time to work for the trust we earned and lost. The reason trust takes so much time to build is because trust in someone is absolutely feeling like you can be vulnerable to them.
The word vulnerability is tough to swallow
Have you ever thought of what it meant to be vulnerable to someone?
Vulnerability? Let’s actually talk about this. Have you ever felt vulnerable to someone before? Vulnerability feels like that moment when you lay out your heart for someone in fear that they could save it or crush it to smithereens.
I can only take that anxiety from one person and that’s my husband. That’s only because I can trust him wholeheartedly. I know that he wouldn’t hurt me on purpose. I can trust him for that.
Right now, I can’t be this way with my friends. At least not yet. I’m able to be this way more and more every day with my sisters but my husband has seen the worst in me and the best.
Vulnerability with my husband is in a few examples admitting spending extra money, lying to him, gaining weight, suffering depression, overeating, losing a job, moving, debt- he absolutely knows everything and understands my insecurities about my weight, health, face, hair, shyness, everything- and he’s still with me.
It’s the best feeling in the world for someone to love you in spite of the fact that you’re not perfect.
Don’t throw a relationship away just like that
We work hard to keep trust and regain trust if we lose it wholly or partially.
For those of us that throw people away as soon as they lose our trust, I understand that this is the culture of today but you provide a bigger impact onto someone else’s life by working on rebuilding trust with someone.
Now of course, if you steal from me- I’ll forgive you and we can work on being friends again but you won’t be holding onto my purse for a very long time.
Actually, you don’t have to be friends again- that person just needs to hear that you forgave them.
How powerful it is to feel forgiven, like weights removed from your chest.
This concept is easier said than done. It truly is. It’s so hard to forgive some and tell them you have forgiven them. It’s also even harder after that to mend a relationship with someone who threw your trust out the door.
This is why it’s great to forgive someone and let them go and mend relationships with the people who truly matter. To me, this includes my family, who I did not always have a good relationship with or your life partner.
What about you? Are you trustworthy?
Imagine that time you messed up. Remember that moment you were found out t have lied, or cheat, or steal. You were caught redhanded. A person with standard morals could feel the disappointment and hurt of the other person in their own heart, but if that person would have forgiven you what would it have done to your heart?
The person with morals would have accepted their forgiveness and most likely never repeat the offense and respect the person more so for forgiving them than for suing or charging you for your wrongdoing.
It’s uplifting and different because nowadays no one does that anymore.
Trust can be earned even if it’s broken. My husband and I are pure examples of that. Not only that but other couples are a testament to this fact. You can’t have a successful marriage without forgiving failures. That’s impossible.
I think before I react
One of the worst things my husband ever did was spend my savings money in my account. I trusted him with our finances and when it was too late, my money was gone and we were s close to not making rent. Years have passed and today I have my eyes on our bank account all. It is just wise to do so. It’s less temptation for someone to handle money if they know someone else is holding them accountable for that money.
Long story short, I forgave him. I was mad and upset with him for over a year, probably 2 years yet I held that in and had to learn to begin to trust him again.
Was I really going to get a divorce over an 18-year-old spending all our money? ( I really wanted to but I knew this was just a lesson of many in our marriage.) It’s not so big of a deal, especially since I know my husband would work hard to repair the damage and earn back that money. His hard work and determination are what lead me to trust him again.
Let’s say he still spent money. I’d understand that that was who he was. I’d take control of the money we made and we’d go from there. I would acknowledge his issue and become tighter with our finances, but luckily I don’t have a husband like that.
Life is too short to distrust every single person that messes up. You will have friends that mess up. Not only that but, you will mess up too, you’re not perfect. Friendships that last, are the friendships that forgive the screws and the mistakes. Relationships that are strong have partners that understand each other’s weaknesses and strengths.
Can you give someone a chance to be your friend? Forgive someone who doesn’t deserve to be forgiven?. Would you instead trust someone until they can’t be trusted instead of waiting for someone to earn your trust?