When They Take the Ring Back

When They Take the Ring Back
©Shelby Deeter 2017

This topic brings back certain memories in that they’re quite personal and touching and hard to accept happened but I’m happy to share because it happens to some of us and its good to not feel alone about it.

My husband had once asked for his ring back.

I never expected it.

I was very angry that he thought he could just end things with me and I didn’t allow it.

Man, I cried and I knew he acted the way he was because of his influence of friends and his lack of high school experience. He had told me himself that he was trying to lose his virginity and experience high school because he was homeschooled.

This wasn’t the guy that I knew a year ago or so. This all happened when I left for college and we were not able to see each other so often.

I had lived on campus believing my fiancée was working on school work but as I later found out he had become a womanizer of some sort.

I’m a woman and I had an idea about what he could be doing (I’m not clueless) but I always thought the best in my fiancée. As time passed I knew he became more distant from me and I fought hard to get him to open himself back up and be the man I knew he was but his heart grew cold toward me. I lived at that time feeling unappreciated but he still loved me.

I realized today that he took the ring from me because he knew I deserved better. When he left my dorm that day I was heartbroken.

Today as I have tried hard to never remember those days I can’t remember how we ended back together. He had some change of heart and chose that he wanted to be with me and make me happy instead of other girls and his friends.

I was very happy he made that decision. When we decided to work things out I had still no idea what he did or what happened that led him to become cold toward me until one day he had sat me down in a parking lot and let me know everything.

It was then where I had to decide if I wanted to go forward and give back his ring or not.

Man did I think hard. I was curious and had never felt so stupid. I hated his friends and  I hated him also and I took the time to choose what I wanted to do.

The thing with this kid was that he sat me down and told me everything.

I didn’t find out from a third party- it all came from him.

That’s what drove my decision to marry him. I’m not going to say that after 3 years married I don’t battle with these issues today but it’s not as bad as it once was.

Every day it gets better. Every day I became less angry and gave back more trust to my husband.

It took me holding in my emotions and thinking about things with a clear mind and acknowledging that things will get better.

If my husband didn’t choose to marry me and wanted to go through with the wedding I wouldn’t have done it. If he never told me what he did and I found out through someone else I wouldn’t have gone through with it. If we didn’t have our premarital counseling to help bring up pains and communication skills it wouldn’t have happened.

He put in his work. So I chose to take the ring back. Four years later I look at my ring and man did we come so far.

What commitment and actually trying hard to love someone without the fear of being hurt can actually do for a relationship.

8 years ago when I met my husband I didn’t think I’d love him this much and enough to help him with anything he went through.

I also had no idea that I was this strong of a person. My husband has told me several times that I was strong for enduring all those things and more and that I should be proud of myself.

Last year I had a time where I reflected much on my decision to marry my husband and I’ve learned that people forget and people let go of things. I’ve seen people that I’ve hated and think man I’m happy. I’ve never been so happy with my life.

But I’ll tell you something- that person that is willing to be with you and love you 100% is a person you never let go. They get it. They understand that we must love 100% and unconditionally.

When he said, “I do” I knew that it was time for me to put my all in and love that man more than I could.

In my marriage, we had gone through slumps but a wise man once told me that up until your 10 years together you won’t get it.

I take those words as a challenge and want to make things right and enjoy my marriage more quickly.

Here are my quick tips for making a relationship the best relationship it can be.

-quality sex over quantity 

-super communication with finances

-never raise your voice, curse at your spouse 

-think about when, where, and why you bring up a topic into the conversation, can it wait? Can we let it go? Think before you speak

-don’t drink more than 1 drink without each other- whatever happens after that drink is your responsibility 

-don’t let another person make decisions for your marriage (like an employer)

-your problems should stay amongst you both

-any advice should come from someone who wants you both to stay together

-always think the best of each other

-never fight or bring each other down in front of others

-never speak in anger or go to bed angry. Hold the discussion for tomorrow and plan to talk about it later. 

-hug, kiss, and play

-if your spouse likes things a certain way, learn how to do it and do it- you won’t like it at first but it then becomes a habit

-if you think your spouse will get mad about a subject still bring it up. If not then who shall you talk to?

-Conquer psychological issues like depression and other problems

Through all these tips I’ve had years of challenges. I wish someone had told me these things when I was younger and you know I was told a lot.

Not everyone knows how to make a relationship work but there are people out there who have done it for 20, 30, 40 years. What I listed above is a few of their secrets. These tips are what changed my marriage around. These tips are what gave me my ring back and had me accept the ring again.

2 Comments

  1. Isaac
    February 9, 2017

    Boy did this topic really hit home. I read this with an open mind, i was very satisfied with the content. I had some questions in the beginning but got answers while reading. Thank you.

    Reply
    1. Yessenia Diaz
      February 12, 2017

      Thank you! Totally appreciate it!

      Reply

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