Your Feelings, Your Compass

©Michal Parzuchowski 2015
©Michal Parzuchowski 2015

It’s suggested that we must follow our feelings to lead our lives into fulfillment. We can follow our hearts to find the love of our lives, and follow our emotions to make decisions about anything in life.

I have a real problem with this. I have found that after about 6 to 7 years of making my own decisions now (I count turning 18 the beginning of me making my own decisions) that any time I chose to do something off of my feelings I’ve made that situation worse.

Going by my feelings does not fly in our marriage. I can be infuriated by my husband’s actions but if I come to him with a sense of anger it really sets an argument off on who’s right and who’s wrong.

My feelings accelerate arguments. I have seen for myself that when I calm myself down and think with my mind, I halt arguments in its tracks.

In my love life, while I was dating I would find guys to be attractive but I knew that person and I would not work out in a relationship.

Either way, I followed my feelings and went out with a guy only because of my physical attraction to him. I knew he had a different religion than mine and I even knew that his religion would eventually lead me to end things between us but I still continued a relationship with this guy because I wanted to know what it’d be like to be with an Asian dude.

How selfish.

When I was ever worried I wouldn’t make it financially in New York City, I would scurry to find money, or apply for loans without thinking again about how much more of a hole I would get into.

Luckily, my husband had me think more clearly and we never went forward with these decisions but I have seen for myself that I make really dumb decisions when I follow my heart.

I’ve wanted children, I’ve wanted to divorce my husband (stupid of me). I’ve wanted to move, I’ve wanted to do such crazy things. I’ve wanted to buy a dog. I’ve bought a dog. I’ve bought a second dog. Then had to get rid of both dogs.

I can’t believe what I’ve thought.

I can’t believe all the things I’ve felt and wanted to do based on my feelings. I am starting to think that using my feelings as a compass for my actions is quite dangerous.

My husband is great at controlling his feelings. I hate that this seems to be a girl problem more than a boy problem.

Girls are just allowed to share these feelings and act on them in society more than men. You can’t tell me this isn’t true. Men can only share anger. I mean, they’re only allowed to show anger by society.

In New York City, too many women come up to me for advice and go off and make decisions on relationships with their feelings instead of taking logical advice.

Why would you move in with someone you’ve dated for a few months? Why would you put yourself in a position where you can get yourself into financial suicide by moving in with someone who can’t pay rent on time?

See we know the facts:

  • your friend is a cheater
  • spends money wildly
  • lies
  • is not reliable

Yet we love this person and risk ourselves for them. I seriously want to stop doing this.

I’ve bent over backward for people because I’ve loved them or believed in them but if I were to look at the facts, I’m making a rather dumb decision.

I don’t owe anyone anything and my feelings lead me to believe I do.

If you’re like me, you’re an emotional wreck. Small things anger you. You may feel like you’re responsible for others emotions and get overwhelmed by the actions your friends do.

You can see a lot of people live their lives based off of their feelings. Like, they feel alone and so they text their ex. I’ve seen people who needed to have sex so bad that they’d cheat on their spouses for a quick fling.

I remember I’d get bored at home and I would take myself to the mall and treat myself with new shoes or clothes, only to hear it from my husband about my spending problem.

My fear of loneliness has gotten me into a huge amount of problems.

There are just some feelings we are better at controlling than others.

I can’t think of a time where I followed my heart and everything turned out better than before. I’ve made every situation worse. I’ve been hurt by family, friends, or business relationships and anytime I tried getting back at these people I’d make things worse for myself.

When I act based on my feelings of stress, hurt, or urgency, I get myself into trouble. I lose money, waste time, and instantly regret any decisions I’ve made.

I’m going to try not to act on my feelings.

I want to be this way,

Is it possible to be this way entirely? I have no idea but I feel as if, if I worked on this I would make smarter decisions and have lesser issues in my life farther down the line.

What do you think? Have your feelings made you make stupid decisions?

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