Happy Birthday to Me

Happy Birthday to Me
©Stephanie McCabe 2016

Tomorrow’s my birthday and I’ll be turning 25! I’ll be a quarter of a century which is wild. I’m not sure if I’ve ever stated this before but I never believed I would make it past my 18th birthday. Actually, I never thought I’d make it to high school.

I never took myself as a person worth keeping around for God. I remember when I was dropped off at my high school for the first time I looked up at the building before we were able to enter and thought to myself, “I should be dead by now. I must be alive for a reason”.

To you, you may find this funny but it was at that moment where I decided to take my life seriously and to do something with myself. I decided right away that I wanted to be somebody. I didn’t want to be poor, uneducated, or part of pointless relationships.

I dated guys and dumped them as soon as I felt it wasn’t going to work out. I didn’t waste anyone’s time. I’ve hopped job to job because I don’t believe in someone owning me and my time and not taking me seriously and only needing me to do basic things.

I’ve pushed myself to be the best at everything that I do and I realized that at 18 I wanted to be married. I didn’t want to waste my time and life to search for a partner and so have it, God blessed me with a wonderful man.

At 25, you end up reflecting on decisions you’ve made and if you think they were the best for yourself. I’ve totally questioned my marriage, leaving jobs, and choosing to run a business or to follow a career but I found that I’ve never been more fulfilled in what I’m doing than with what I do now.

Sure, I’ve made many mistakes and I’m still unsure if I’m doing the right thing every day but I’ve never been happier.

I’ve sacrificed time with family, having children early, a possible career in publishing, and more to be in New York City with my husband to work on Tru.Works.

I’ve never felt more satisfied but I’ll tell you what I’ve never been more challenged with opposition. I believe that the more resistance I am faced with, the more good things are around the corner.

My relationship with Jesus has been challenged greatly and I’ve had bouts of depression when I’ve felt I couldn’t go on another day with my soul in shambles. But, I’m a Matamoros-Diaz. I never give up.

My name won’t let me give up. I’ve left my dog and family behind and all the decisions I’ve ever made cannot be left in Lancaster in vain. I won’t let it be this way. Every day I write, advertise, talk to people and push forward in my marriage, friendships, and in myself.

Through all the mistakes and missteps I’ve taken I’m grateful I’ve had an incredible man by my side. My husband has his own agenda and very rarely do our interests align with each other’s lives but I will say that when it’s time to rest and take a step back, we are both able to do so easily.

Those moments where we kick back and watch the Fresh Prince of Belair, eat cereal, take showers, and head to bed, are my most cherishable moments. These moments are small reminders of the reason why my husband and I are doing the things we do.

We keep ourselves fit, work multiple jobs, lose sleep, and grind to be successful for our families and for our future children. We want to leave a legacy behind that cannot be broken. We believe in every promise God has ever spoken into existence and are here to take His Word for it.

If we quit now, everything we’ve ever done would have been for nothing and that’s why at 25 I know that I’m still alive for a reason. It’s going to be huge. It’s going to be wonderful. I will have an immense and positive influence in other’s lives and until then, I’m being humbled by God in every way so when that moment comes I’ll be prepared to represent Him in any way I need to.

I’ve made so many mistakes and I’ve learned from all of them. I’m not perfect, but I know that I’m more prepared now for my reward than I ever was at 18, 21, or 23.

I’m not going to front, getting older is hard. Every birthday almost feels like a checkpoint where you need to go through the list of all the things you should’ve achieved by then.

Tokyo is still on my bucket list. It’s always been and I should’ve been traveled to Japan but I’ve only now applied for my passport!

“Reach for the moon, and you’ll land among the stars”.

I’ve never been so sure of this statement. If my goal is Tokyo at 21, as long as I keep reaching for it, I’ll get there even if hat means I’ll visit Japan at 25. My goal was to move to New York City at 18. I moved to New York City at 23, and again at 24. I wanted to run my own business, and I’m here every day, running Tru.Works.

The 25-year old me would like to say to everyone out there reading this to never give up. It’s going to get tough. Your bank account will go negative. You will be cold, hungry, weary, and unsure of everything you set out to do but I must remind you that you need only one thing and that is Jesus.

We were meant to live a life of rest. 

We were not meant to toil and suffer under the sun. Although we tend to work our ways up to gain accolades, money, and fame it wasn’t meant to be that way.

Remembering Jesus and talking to God, let me rephrase that, yelling to God, has relieved me of so many mistakes. I’ve almost left my husband, cried in public, broken things, and more but God was always there to remind me of who He was and to tell me to calm down.

At 25, I’ve calmed down a lot. I’ve had fewer panic attacks, for sure. Last time I had a panic attack was over a year ago.

I’ve grown up and felt more real with God and my friends.

I’m not hiding who I am anymore, I’m me now.

I yell and cry with God, I share my problems with friends and I’ve never been happier with my marriage than I am now.

Listen, never give up guys. 

I could ramble on forever about how life will treat you and what it’s like getting older but I’ll save you the chatter and share that as long as you keep pushing toward one thing, everything else will come to be.

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