Men have been taught in society to hold in all their feelings except those of anger. It is quite common for a man to let out feelings of anger in times of stress because it’s what society has taught them to do.
Now, a lot of men also have great control over their emotions but it’s these men that either let out bouts of tears or an in the moment punch to the wall if a financial mistake happens, or if they lose a loved one.
They could even be mad at themselves.
But while your man gets angry, it doesn’t help that you yell and respond back to him with the same anger he dishes out to you.
It’s not fair, I know.
I’m not saying that it’s right for a man to yell, or raise their voice cruelly at his children but I am saying that you can calm him down and find a way to get through to his psyche by either giving him space or talking to him patiently, and calmly.
It’s not commonly taught but when a man is in a relationship with a woman he believes he can be his complete self with her.
This includes being able to be his worst self and knowing you will love him anyway. I’m also not saying that it means you tolerate him, I instead mean that you love him at his worst and help him become a better man.
I mean, that’s what we’re here for ladies. To help our man out.
When a man makes a mistake he will end up mad at himself for whatever reason, but he also has to face you with that mistake. His mistakes can range from cheating on you (ayayay), forgetting to walk the dog, to gambling all your savings away on one Superbowl game. Wow!
As much as we want to yell at him, men record everything we do and keep it in a catalog in their minds that are listed under the file, ‘her reactions’.
The list goes on and on and files the moment you yelled at him for forgetting to take out the trash, to the day you threw his shoes at him because he left his boots on the floor and you tripped on them.
They remember everything and it’s funny because it’s commonly believed that women remember everything. I think not.
To get back on track, the way you react to bad news or the mistakes your man made will tell them if they should keep things from you or tell you about them.
If you’re the type of woman that wants her man to be completely open with her yet yells at him when he admits his wrongs, why would he tell you anything? He’d rather you never find out than to tell you and have you yell at him and be mad at him for who knows how long.
Does that make sense?
Men don’t want to be yelled at by their woman let alone that they already criticize themselves enough.
Now, I know that when he lays his shoes on the floor after a long day of work it can be frustrating but in relationships and marriage, there are three things that make a marriage successful. No it’s not communication- well it kind of is, but it’s how we communicate with each other.
These three things are patience, repetition, and forgiveness.
I’m telling you, all the other things we learn about relationships are crap or so romanticized that we forget the other seemingly unimportant things we have to do yet they are extremely important!
Patience. The same way you want your man to be patient with you when you make a mistake, he needs you to be patient with him. As annoying as it may be, it’ll take a couple tries before your man cooks his first meal right.
It will take repetition to change an old habit. This doesn’t mean you nag, and nag, and nag about what you want. It means you politely remind him that you don’t want the shoes on the floor because the kids or you trip on them from time to time.
Wait for him to move the shoes and he will. Eventually, with PATIENCE, and REPETITION, you won’t have shoes on the floor anymore.
Last but not least is forgiveness. Listen, he’s going to lie. He will spend money, he will choose his friends over you at one point. Men are men, and they do things that woman won’t understand but this is why we must be forgiving.
We will have our fair share of mistakes but so will they. It’s only fair to forgive each other through everything. This means, forgiving the one day he left the shoes right at the entrance of the living room.
It happens! You got to think the best and believe that either he was in a rush or had a long day at work, and just couldn’t “manage” to take his shoes into his closet. Whatever the reason may be, whether you believe it or not, it doesn’t mean we yell and get all crazy over something small. We forgive and repeat ourselves again.
I dare you this week, to keep your calm. You will see your man calm down as well. Stop accusing him, and start asking him. When he gets upset, keep your cool, and you will see that he will match your calmness.
This has helped me so much in my marriage and it has brought my husband closer together. He comes home knowing that he has a loving and caring wife at home that loves him as he is rather than a crazy wife who is ready to attack him about the finances as soon as he walks through the front door.
As tough as it is, just give your man break. Although he is holding himself together it doesn’t mean that he isn’t struggling to keep it together. You want your husband to be able to come to you when he is stressed and overwhelmed.
They will try so hard not to bring their stress to you as to not stress you out too but you want to be the person that can help calm them and bring them back to sanity. Or would you rather want him to run off and find someone else who can hear them out?
Yessenia is a compelling and innovative program and operations manager who uses her 5+ years of experience in operations management and graphic design to determine small business needs in the areas of inventory costs, labor expenses, P&L, COGs, marketing, and graphic design to create and manage profitable plans for small businesses and individual projects. She is the Owner and Founder of Tru.Works.