It happened. I realized that my husband was falling behind on errands. I realized I was the only one doing the dishes, vacuuming and paying bills. Eventually I watched myself begin to do everything around the house. I was taking out the dog, cleaning the house, paying bills, watching the finances and felt like I was the man of the house.
Men are usually given the role of the financial leader, and bill payer but nowadays roles are flipped around and have no hold on society that every household is different. One of you is the household manager and the other is the employee.
If you know you are the stronger leader in organizing any of these examples below then you need to get in charge of these things:
- household chores
- bill payments
- financial decisions
- child care
When I got married, I assumed I would not have to think about the bills or finances but after a year of late bills and poor financial decisions I caught on and realized my husband isn’t as strong in these areas as I assumed he should be.
We argued everyday because of my assumptions but in reality his head was somewhere else and he admitted it. He needed me to lead that area in our lives. When I learned this about my husband I was furious. I thought for months, “Why should I worry about these things, I have other chores to do!” I used to let things go just because of how angry I was. It stressed me out that I broke down in front of my husband multiple times but it never changed him. He was focused on his career and enjoying his money while I was worried about the same things plus the finances, bills, dog, household chores, errands and more!
When you get married, you learn things about each other you never would have thought could be possible. Eventually I learned to accept him the way he was and to use my skills to help put the household.
He also learned to accept me as a better organizer than him especially after I sat my husband down and I let him know that I was stronger in certain areas of life than he was. I let him know he was too busy to handle financial responsibility, bill payments and errands. He worked so much at one point I used to see him on Tuesday nights after work and that was it. At first I wanted to solve the problem by asking him to quit a job or two so that I could work a second job and we both handle our responsibilities together.
Eventually, I learned that I enjoyed handling the responsibilities we had and absolutely hated missing sleep because of work. My husband used to run on 4 hours of sleep every night for months and I was such a baby that I would go to work late to get more sleep.
Today, I delegate the responsibilities we have. I ask him to tackle a bill that I do not have time to pay (most likely he will not get to it either). The most important thing I want to be clear about is that I ask my husband nicely to get something done. I don’t tell him what to do. I ask him to do me a favor. The reason for that is because he is still a man.
Men have egos like women have insecurities and he still wanted to feel respected and so I give him the respect he wants by asking him nicely to get something done for me. It makes him feel needed.
With all that stated, we all learn from time and mistakes. If you know you are the one who has to be in charge of the daily grind at your house then take control and enjoy it. Have peace knowing the bills are getting paid on time and the finances are superb. Whether you’re a man or woman either of you can do the job. It’s your responsibility to do so.
Do not hurt your husbands feelings or let yourself get overwhelmed. Learn to delegate your errands to who can do what better. I chose to write my husband a daily checklist of what needs to be done and he would choose what he can do. Because it’s written down and texted to him there is no reason for loss of communication on the errands of the day.
Everyday I make sure I send out or write up this list. It’s easier for the both of us. My husband eventually noticed that he felt more organized with the list given to him and felt more responsible because he was able to choose what he wanted to do on the list. He then took moe charge of the finances and took charge of paying bills.
This list relieved so much stress between the both of us because everyday errands were getting done. Nothing was being pushed off to the last minute like we have done in the past. Not only am I happier but I’m not nagging anymore to my husband and there is more respect towards each other.
To be honest, I’ve always written down what I needed to do when I was single. It was the only way I got things done. When I got married I stopped my list-making and believed my husband would take care of everything for us but I was highly mistaken. This assumption ruined me.
You may say, why in the world would I even had thought that my husband would take charge in the responsibilities of our marriage but I was naive. We struggled for a year and a half until I decided I was going to take charge and do everything.
It was so much for me to handle that I started writing things down. Once I saw with my own eyes the errands of the day I then started to give my husband some things to do.
He did not like when I told him what to do. He respected that I asked him what he could do. Ladies, if you give respect to your husband he will give you respect right back.
Head to the homepage at Tru.Works to read more articles.
Yessenia is a compelling and innovative program and operations manager who uses her 5+ years of experience in operations management and graphic design to determine small business needs in the areas of inventory costs, labor expenses, P&L, COGs, marketing, and graphic design to create and manage profitable plans for small businesses and individual projects. She is the Owner and Founder of Tru.Works.