I’m Way Too Hard on Myself

I"m Too Hard on Myself
I”m Too Hard on Myself
©Chris Benson 2017

When I grow up I had what I believe the best mom in the whole world. Now no parent is perfect and that’s a fact and everyone can understand that and I hope that if my mother read this article that she would understand that I don’t mean anything by this. I’ve just grown up and realized a couple things that have affected me in life but have taught me a lot.

My mom was a very very strong leader. She was very good at handling her children and keeping them in order. Anytime we were out of line she had let us know. Yes, there were times she gave us freedom to have fun dance and play especially with our cousins and family but at home and in public around guests we knew how we had to act.

Very quickly I had learned that one mistake and I was out. I had remembered a time where my father had saw that I had an ‘A’ in one of my classes although one of my assignments I received an F. Well the average grade I had was an essay he had focused on the one F that I had in an assignment.

I knew that he wanted me to do the best that I could at everything that I did. And an F to him meant that I did not give my best.

I had also remembered the time where my friend gave me a note about a website she wanted me to see and I had no idea what the website was but now that I’m older I knew that she wanted me to check out a porn site.

I had totally forgotten that was even in my pocket of my jeans and at that age my mom did my laundry and she found it and gave it to my father.

I’m not sure if they ever believe my story but it was one mistake that I had never forgotten. I knew that I had to be perfect or at least hide my mistakes.

Again my parents did the best they could and they were great. They only want to me to be the best that I could be and to be a good person. So I know that what I did all came from a good intention.

Even so, this kind of action had repercussions on my personality.

If I wasn’t perfect that’s something I would never ever try to do it or show anyone that I could. You would never ever see me practice for anything. You would only see me do perfect things.

I had to be the perfect girlfriend, the perfect worker, the perfect student, and the perfect older sister. I could not make a single mistake.

Social settings I had to be perfect. I could not make a single mistake. I could not have one person be mad at me.

In my teen years I had remembered all the mistakes I’ve ever made and they would always revolving my mind day and night.  I would wait for a sort of punishment but it never came. any mistake I’ve ever made was left on answered.

I was scared to practice or training things because of my fear of making mistakes. I want to give credit to my husband for helping me understand that humans make mistakes. We’ve been making mistakes since the beginning of time and the most important thing about making mistakes is apologizing, forgiving, and to try again.

Making mistakes do not mean that you are not good at something so you should not try to do it again. Making mistakes means that you’ve learned something, and that you’re trying to do something.

L i’m a firm believer that if you’re not making mistakes you’re not doing anything at all.

So after my teen years I have decided to try new things and the first thing that I tried was college. In college I have made many many mistakes and I’ve learned who I was and what I needed to work on.

I needed to work on my confidence.

Work on my confidence I had to try new things. So in college I had learned how to draw, create things on Adobe products, and he work out and go to the gym.

I learn how to cook, how to do my own laundry, and how to drive.

Things all gave me confidence and while I made mistakes learning how to do many of these things I chose to keep going and today I can cook better meals I can drive better and I can do my own laundry without a problem.

These things are simple now but back then they were a challenge to me. This is why I want you to know that that you should keep trying to practice what you want to learn. You do need to keep making mistakes so that you can get better. It doesn’t matter what you want to be and what you want to do you just have to keep on trying.

Mistake you’ve made is just another way of not doing that thing you’re trying to do. That’s OK. Now you know better.

So I say let’s have a drink to mistakes and let’s keep practicing!

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