Introversion in Relationships

Introversion in Relationships
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

I make absolutely no sense when it comes to being around people. I love people. After about a few minutes of engaging with a friend or new person, I get over it. I just want to vanish and go to my room to read blogs and watch videos.

I know I am not the only one who feels this way! What I precisely am tired of is the fact that I never understood that this personality trait had a name for it. I always assumed something was unquestionably wrong with me. This problem just got worse the older I became and after I got married.

Now let me explain myself, I’m not shy. When I want to be I will get up on stage and talk my butt off to people. If you were to tell me I couldn’t do something I will get angry and will prove to you by all means, necessary that I could indeed do whatever you said I couldn’t do. I have ego problems, I know.

Some of us are actually shy, which is a social anxiety.

I had to force myself out of the realm of shyness and today I can say that I can talk to almost anyone. Before I get to far ahead of myself I want to say that this article was inspired by the Build Your Tribe Podcast hosted by Chalene Johnson. Her podcasts mission is to help introverted people succeed in business by looking at business differently and using their introverted personality to their advantage.

Before I get to far ahead of myself I want to say that this article was inspired by the Build Your Tribe Podcast hosted by Chalene Johnson. Chalene’s  mission is to help introverted people succeed in business by looking at business differently and using their introverted personality to their advantage.

In Chalene’s podcast episode, “How Introverts Succeed in Online Business“, She said a few words that really hit me. For some reason, I paid most attention to what her opinions about being introverted. I’m glad she stated she was an introvert because it really made me feel that she understood my personal mind battles.

The introvert is not alone

She explained in her podcast that introverts have common traits. They can kill it online but struggle with face to face interactions. The common traits she realized introverts have is: they are from the heart people, transparent, authentic, vulnerable and compassionate. It is these traits that make us fence up and protect ourselves from people.

A lot of introverts can’t handle large dosages of people for long extended periods of time because it wears us the flip out. The reason it wears us, Chalene states, is that we can’t fake anything. We can’t fake a smile, we can’t fake a conversation. We cannot choose not to connect to emotions and honesty.

Chalene also shares that she’s not trying to say that introverts are better people than extroverts. Introverts have this wonderful way to connect with people but it has its faults. Introverts are the type of people that can hear a women’s conversation at the grocery store about her struggles and it will upset them. This conversation would worry them and take up their day. An introvert carries these feelings for the rest of the day and in my case, forever.

I enjoyed how Chalene stated that extroverts feel the energy of people, and other people’s energy lifts up extroverts.

The difference between introverts and extroverts are how other people’s energy effect them.

Most introverts, like myself, feel drained by other people energy. Introverts feel responsible for other people’s energy. We feel like we have to take care of other people’s emotional well-being. We even have to know their emotional state even if we have never met the person before.

I am so glad that Chalene explained the traits of introverts in her podcast because it helped me stop asking myself what is wrong with me. I always thought and believed that I had issues. My goodness, I never understood why my husband could be the life of a party for the WHOLE party while after 30 minutes I’m overwhelmed with people.

I remember getting jealous of the fact that he could make so many friends so easily

While walking around Time Square last night, I tried to explain to my husband that church wasn’t a place to just get up and go and find people, talk to people and socialize like a networking event. If anything, it should be more genuine. He stated that church is the same as business is for him. I was so lost in his words. I thought, “You mean to tell me that everywhere you go you’re looking to connect with people?”

Today I realized that what he meant is that even at church, he’s looking for the energy in people to bring him up. We’re so different in this subject because I could care less about how I can use people to lift me up. I lift myself up! That’s just who I am. It doesn’t mean one way of being is better than another. It just means that opposites can work together.

I find it funny to reflect on all the arguments my husband and I have ever had on how our personalities clash while we’re in events or surrounded by people. First of all, we’ve considered my husband going to events alone if I wasn’t up to dealing with people. He’s even told me that I bring his mood down, and he wouldn’t bring me anywhere anymore. That really hurt me to hear that.

Trying to be an extrovert is unnatural

I tried so hard to become an extrovert but it’s too hard. Let me give credit to the extroverts who liven up parties and get-togethers. I just can’t do it. Talking to people individually or online is easy but face to face communication with a large group of people is stressful.

What Chalene shared on her podcast really did help me understand my personality and who I am as a person. No wonder it never works out when I try to force friendships with people. I just can’t handle the emotional baggage.

I just wish introverts would let people know they’re introverts. But when you introduce yourself to someone it’s unlikely that would be something we would share with you.

It’s cool to be an introvert but it is also annoying. I can meet someone and instantly know if they’re emotionally off. My husband can feel their energy and if the person is boring he moves on to the next person who is more fun. He looks for exciting people while I’m searching for emotionally leveled people. I can’t tell you how many people we’ve met where my husband would find them great and I would find them overwhelming.

You’re not alone fellow introvert

The person could talk on and on about relationships or parties they’ve been to and I’m just thinking, “shut up already.” I know I’m horrible but it’s me.

I’m so glad to share this with my fellow introverts because there’s a high probability that you’ll marry an extrovert and we must understand each other or you’ll be constantly fighting.

Thanks to Chalene for sharing about her introverted self I can now see that I’m not a crazy person and that my personality is just opposite of extroverted people. I’m glad I understand both personalities better and I feel so relieved to know that I am not the only one who’s felt insane about their introverted self.

Thank you, Chalene Johnson. You can actually visit Chalene’s website or download her podcast, Build Your Tribe on Itunes.

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