I Stopped Looking For a Man to Marry Me
For some of us, it can take several tries at something before we realize that we’re going at things the wrong way. Michelle, a young female entrepreneur, wanted to find the right guy, ‘the one’, who could match her drive and so Michelle dated to find this man. Time and time Michelle fell for the same kind of guy and ended with the same results. It wasn’t until she changed her perspective where she chose to stop ‘looking for a man to marry me’ and married herself. This is Michelle’s story.
Looking for a marriage partner
Unlike most people I was forced to grow up very quickly, mainly because I started a business at 17 years old. While a lot of my friends were partying and doing all the crazy things you do at 17, I was constantly in meetings, driving to different states to expand my business, reading books, listening to audio books and traveling to get personal mentorship from my business coaches who lived close to an hour away from me.
I broke records of being the first single, young woman to achieve such big success in the industry and I had a bright future ahead of me. I was super excited.
After one semester, I decided to quit college to pursue my dream of being the first single woman in the industry to develop one of the strongest business assets to give me the financial freedom and the dream life I’ve always wanted.
Although I had everything set up for me, I was in an environment where there were so many couples, marriage was promoted and I looked highly upon.
Being single was very weird in the industry I was in.
Even my personal coaches got married at 21 years old. Although I was young, my association was young too yet they followed what everyone else was doing and followed the marriage route.
You are who you associate with and I started to crave this fairytale marriage, love life. Where you meet the man of your dreams, he treats you like a queen.
He builds this incredible lifestyle for you and you live happily ever after.
That is literally what I saw all around me. I was always pushed to go after it and I wanted it too.
You can’t force someone to love you
I met a great guy on Facebook who pursued me at 19 years old. He was everything I’ve always wanted. He was charming, tall, tanned, Dominican, loving, and so sweet.
3 months after meeting we pursued a serious relationship. During our relationship, I gave him an ultimatum and made him build my business with me and just like everyone else, he agreed.
But it was my dream, not his.
I just believed he will follow what everyone around us was doing and hopefully, he can be that dream guy who would build this business for me and give me the life I wanted.
One year and a half later – we began speaking about marriage and living together – all the things couples do. We were so excited about it and so were our families.
But during that time I was also heavily invested in my dream and building my business. I barely spent time with him because he started a new job, started working nights and we started to become very distant, we argued a lot.
My early dating mistakes
We were just not in tune with what we wanted for our futures. I wanted to build this with him, but he wasn’t giving it the ambition that I thought he would.
One night, during a conference call at my house, I needed his phone and I found texts from a girl he met on the internet.
These texts were of them flirting, sending each other photos and they even had plans of meeting and possibly even pursuing a relationship. My whole world came crashing down. I immediately confronted him about it and he got so scared that I found out that he fought with me and grabbed his phone from my hands and I fell to my knees and broke down.
I couldn’t believe it. The man that I wanted to marry would do this to me.
I thought fairy tales existed. This whole find a man, build a business together and the get married idea wasn’t true?
I felt so betrayed and lied to and decided to break up with him.
From the outside, it looked like I moved on quickly, but in reality, I had a huge burden in me. I felt so empty and unloved. I didn’t even love myself. My fcus was on building my business and that was the distraction I needed and my business partners gave me so much love during this time.
I was succeeding in my business, breaking records and achieving great things but that longing for love was still with me. It was so heavy that I went on a dating website and started to look for it.
Looking for a husband online
Through the app, I met an incredible man who literally was like a dream.
He would mail me and bring me flowers, took me to the best beaches, we even went dream building for homes in his area. I remember that he would pick me up in fancy cars, new jewelry, booked hotels looking over the beach for Valentine’s day.
He even sent me poems for morning texts- he was perfect.
But he was 10 years older than me and I wanted to get married so quickly- and I freaked out.
Unfortunately, I had to end it because it was way too much and in reality, he was just a rebound.
The year after that – I got into another relationship and this man played with my emotions and my heart – He asked me to be his girlfriend and disappeared 2 weeks later.
200+ calls and 6 years later – I still don’t know where he is.
This continued on till 2016. Year after year, I would see my closest friends get married. It was as if all around me I would see people fall in love. I just longed for it.
I would wonder, what’s wrong with me? In 2015, I gave it up for a year and would start talking to guys here and there, and the same story – it just wouldn’t work out.
I would really like someone and they would either disappear, not answer my calls or would be apprehensive about taking it another step forward.
In 2017, this was going to be the biggest year of all time! I was so ready, focused, and prepared. My goals set and I went after them every day.
I thought I found the one but I was wrong
At the beginning of the year, I interviewed someone who I met on Instagram for my business.
After a few meetings, we agreed to be business partners. I was so excited, but little did I know was that this business move would be the worst encounter of my life.
He seemed perfect.
He was young and super ambitious.
I saw that he was gorgeous.
He played football in college. He was tall, dark, and handsome. His body was your typical quarterback football player. His swag was on a different level and the way he would look at me was different.
When listening to what Michelle looks for in a partner it reminded me of this article I found on LifeWay’s blog about praying for the man you want and checking yourself in those prayers. Check it out here.
He was so interested in my goals and my dreams. I hadn’t experience that type of man in my life ever before.
I remember telling myself not to fall for this guy because he was so much younger than me, I was mentoring him in business and I had just met him.
We had to keep this straight business.
Mixing work and relationships
Two months later we were really deep in this relationship that had no title except I was his business mentor and he was my mentee.
But it was a lot deeper than that. He would tell me, “Don’t fall in love with me. I am not a good person. This is just for fun. Just don’t do it.”
A few months later – I gave this man everything in me. Physically, mentally, emotionally and even financially. He went to school in Virginia and I was living in the Bronx and moved to New Jersey a few months after meeting him. Every weekend I went. I traveled 5 hours driving back to see him and help him build his business.
Seriously, I would do anything for him.
I fed him when he didn’t have money to eat, gave him money, and we became extremely intimate.
It wasn’t until 4 months into this relationship that had no title, that I noticed he was acting very different. He decided to join an organization for college that I wasn’t too excited about.
Lack of commitment in a relationship
One day while we stayed over at a hotel – I grabbed his phone and saw messages from a girl in this new organization of his. She was sending him pictures of herself – with and without clothing. My heart dropped. But he denied everything.
We went to an event together for business and he was acting so weird around me. He would constantly hide his phone when texting her – so I wouldn’t see.
I couldn’t sleep and I would cry every night. He would just ignore me like I didn’t exist. I would confront him and he would say, “She is like my sister.”
A few months later – He went to her house and I found out later on that they had sex and did so many other things. All while he was also doing the same things with me.
During this time, I had moved to New Jersey with no money. I only had my business money coming in but with the speed of how it was growing – it required major investments and my account was slimming down.
I became an Uber driver to keep up with my expenses, rent, and it still wasn’t enough. Borrowing money from my parents is what I had to do. Eventually, I even stole money.
I did things I never thought I would. I was in the deepest hole financially and in a dark hole emotionally mentally.
Making the same mistakes in relationships
During all of this, I was dealing with this guy and fell into the craziest depression.
All I wanted to do was sleep to get away from life.
I lost weight and people were happy for me, but it was mainly because I didn’t have an appetite and also no money for food.
But no one knew that. I was also investing most of my money going back and forth visiting this guy because he was also my business partner.
But I also wanted his love and affection and I was willing to fight to make sure that girl didn’t win.
This kept going for a year. During that time, I found videos of them having sex on his phone, I found videos of her giving him head, amongst other things. It was the worst feeling ever. I was so disgusted and hurt.
It came to a point where I had to speak to him and I remember sitting down with him and asking him what was the plans between him and me.
What were we anyway? Clearly, we were a lot more than just business partners for my sanity I needed to know.
After a heated discussion, he decided to choose her over me. I pretended to be happy, because I was his mentor but, in all honesty, I was devastated.
During this time though, I went crazy. How could he choose her over me?
After everything that I had done for him?
So I would make him want to love me.
I would make him have sex with me and would cry and yell at him when he didn’t. It was crazy!
Obviously, this girl would see all the communication between him and me.
But to her, I was just his mentor. We denied anything we had going on because he threatened to quit building the business and threatened to do other things to me.
When you are not a priority in his life
I would get hate calls and messages from her.
It was like living a double life. It was the worst time. I wanted out so bad, I really did. How do I get out of this?. I was so deep in this. I prayed so much for God to get me out of this vicious cycle.
Let’s fast forward to the beginning of 2018. My mentors and my team had made major changes in business and that completely changed my mindset. I was so excited to share it with him and during this time he was also joining a frat. Once he completed, he realized he didn’t want to build this business with me anymore.
You would think I would be upset because this was someone who promised to make major moves with me and be part of all my goals. Although I was very upset – I was also very relieved. That was the beginning of major changes in my life.
Starting over with God again
I decided to renew my relationship with God again.
During that crazy time, I neglected God so much. I longed for love from someone who would never give it to me when in reality He was the love I needed. He had the love I’ve always desired.
God gave me the strength to end things with this man. I stopped answering his text messages. and (I still had other guys I was talking to. I know it wasn’t a good decision, but It was a huge distraction from this crazy man.)
Unsuccessfully, I dated around here and there. I talked to a few guys but they just wanted sex and not a serious relationship. I had the mindset that if I am going to speak to you it’s because we see a future together.
The guys I was talking to weren’t with it. So I ended it.
Commitment before intimacy
But the last straw for me, was when I finally decided to no longer have sex, to devote my love to God.
I met a guy at a networking event who really had a lot of the qualities that I was looking for. I was not even seeking to date him but he insisted and took me out on great dates.
He was great! But on the 3rd date, things got a bit heated but I refused to have sex with him.
He acted very weirdly when I denied it and told me to go home.
He called me the next day (when I thought he would call me to book another date) and told me that this wouldn’t work out.
Forget the fact that we had a lot in common, forget the fact that the other dates we went on were super magical and how we enjoyed
each others company.
In his eyes, without sex, there was no future relationship.
This was it for me guys. I became utterly disgusted and very uninterested in men, dating and this whole love shit.
I literally made a whole 360-degree turn on this. Very quickly, I became extremely uninterested.
I mean there was no way that I was going to go 3 steps back for a man after I was already 3 steps forward after getting myself out of the darkest hole. NO WAY!
In April of 2018, I began the journey of self-love, giving my life to the Lord and focusing on growing myself internally, my company and the love of others which included my friends, and my family.
I invested in my health and fitness and just started to really renew my spirit, my dreams, and my purpose.
Today I am proud to say – I am 26 years old. Fully invested in my personal development, growing my business and pursuing my purpose in this world.
In 2018, I read 25 personal development books, reignited my dream and I found my true self again.
I started my fitness journey in August of 2018 with my trainer who is also my co-worker and an incredible friend. With her guidance, I have lost 22 pounds in 6 months and 22 inches in my body.
I stopped thinking about guys and now focus on myself
The journey is still going strong.
My company is growing like never before and I am so excited about my business partners that are coming on board.
I am also a sales and marketing specialist at a great company in New Jersey.
But what I am most excited about is that in the summer of 2019 – I will never have to work for someone ever again.
My business assets will take care of my lifestyle.
I will be retired, debt free and financially independent at 27 years old!
I can’t wait to live a true life of financial freedom. My goal is to help more people accomplish their dreams, travel the world and spread the word of women empowerment, women in business, falling in love with yourself and building wealth as a woman despite if you’re single or married.
I believe in self-fulfillment. I believe in a woman owning her stripes and fulfilling her dreams and my life will be my message!
May my story inspire many women out there!
If you’re single or married. If you’re married, don’t fall in the shadows of your husband- build something for yourself.
God forbid he leaves you (which can happen – divorce rate is at 80%) you have a life to fall back on and build.
If you are single like me – YOU DON’T NEED A MAN ANYWAY!
So go out there and build the life of your dreams on your own and live the life you always dreamed of.
Let’s create a community of self-loving woman who brings light and shine everywhere she goes because she is loved by God and is pursuing her God-given destiny.
I remember a time when I was looking for a man to marry me during my younger days. It never worked out for me. I had a similar experience like Michelle where I gave myself away and looked for love in men when I knew all along that love, an unconditional love, was in a relationship with God. It wasn’t until I stopped looking for a man to marry me and chose to take God seriously where I eventually did find a man who respected me, cheered me on, and wanted to marry me without forcing him to. More stories like this one below: