Marijuana is Dumb (My Weed Journey)

Smoking weed is Dumb

Marijuana is Dumb (My Weed Journey)

Smoking weed was a norm in my social circles from when I can remember. Through high school and most of my twenties, I truly avoided smoking because I truly believed marijuana was dumb. To me, it was dumb to smoke and anyone who did smoke was dumb. To clarify, I viewed smoking marijuana as a waste of someone’s time. I always wondered why people would like to waste their time away and sit on the couch to fatten up on some munchies. I couldn’t understand it. But, I gave marijuana a chance. Even though I strongly believed what I believed at 28 I decided to try it. After a year I still believe marijuana is dumb.

Now, there are multiple reasons people decide to smoke weed. My reason was to simply see what all the hype was about and also because I didn’t want to die not trying it. For the first few months or so I truly enjoyed smoking weed recreationally. It wasn’t something I did daily. Although I’ll be honest there were times I smoked possibly 3 days in a row.

I never developed the daily habit of smoking marijuana. The daily use I’ve seen others do was a way of like to them but I knew I never wanted to develop a habit where I needed to smoke to function. What I enjoyed the most about smoking was how all of my anxiety would disappear for a few hours and I felt truly relaxed for the first time in days or weeks.

Marijuana helped me understand my anxiety so maybe marijuana isn’t dumb

As time passed and smoking on the weekends became normal to me I felt like a happier person. I realized that I had daily anxiety. There’s the anxiety you get when you’re about to perform or when you[‘re going to try something new but I have anxiety where it’s so normal that I thought this was my true personality. I’d wake up anxious about the day and if I could perform. Every day to me was a performance. To be smart, to be healthy, to be a hard worker. When deep down I Don’t want to be any of those things. I don’t want to participate in what society does.

I learned that I don’t enjoy working, I don’t enjoy thinking but just doing. Calculating, and forced labor and office politics were things I can do and could do well when I tried but were all a performance. Smoking helped me truly accept that I hated working, I hated trying to be whatever I was trying to be which was a smart, and hard-working woman. Back then I thought that was a breakthrough. It led me to think about changing my career and trying different things to see what was it that I truly wanted to do.

Marijuana led me to get out of control

As time passed and smoking weed became a background thing I did yet something I did look forward to at the end of my week, I suddenly felt like ‘regular life’ was impossible to try to participate in. I went to work later, I left work earlier. I was home less often, but I was more artistic. My thoughts were never present. I found myself living in the past or the future. I would space out while people spoke to me thinking, “Wow, I really have to listen to this person”.

I’d constantly think of surviving off the grid and how I’d find a way to live a life truly alone. No social media, no friends and family, and absolutely no work. I didn’t want to think about the government or the stock market anymore, Not only that anything that happened to me physically would begin freaking me out.

The anxiety I had was actually boosted while I was smoking weed. I believe this was the case for me because of how big of a difference I felt living life high and living life sober. My sober life was dreadful and I couldn’t bear to deal with it anymore. A second more would have meant I was living a life I Didn’t want to live. But a year ago I was more than proud of what I accomplished and enjoyed the office politics and labor I was doing.

Marijuana doesn’t help me anymore

You could say that nothing truly changed except that I realized I was actually anxious every day and behaving in a way where my anxiety decided how I Was going to act and be every day. If I needed to be smart I was that, to survive. If I needed to be cool, I was that, to survive. If I needed to be whatever I needed to be to survive, I was that.

When I smoke I know I’m in an altered state that I could never achieve naturally. I would naturally never achieve pure bliss. Not without some sort of help. My anxiety would never let me feel peace. Every day I’d survive. While I don’t live in hunger and in poverty, I am in a place where I don’t know where I’m going and what I’m doing and the only thing I do that makes my life worth any value to me is working on Tru.Works, and my art.

I was right in my opinion that marijuana is dumb. What I mean by that is that I still believe it’s a waste of my time. Whenever I Did smoke it wasn’t that I smoked until I couldn’t move but time would pass by and I did nothing. All I did was escape reality for a few hours. To me, that bothered me because I had so much I wanted to and to do that I wouldn’t simply just do it.

To conclude, marijuana is dumb to me because it has to be

For some, marijuana probably helps them in different ways. I respect that. To me, I have to tell myself that marijuana is dumb to not want it. It was fun while it lasted but I’m now on a journey to truly just be myself and to face reality as my true self.

I don’t want to be high anymore. I don’t want to be tipsy from alcoho0l ever again. These are things I have to stay away from and smoking marijuana led me to make that decision. I probably won’t be off of either of those things completely but I know that I won’t want to make either alcohol or weed part of my daily life. I’m pretty happy about that.

So, through my smoking weed experience I learned that:

  1. Smoking weed helped me realize I had crippling anxiety that became a normal part of my life. I controlled it so well in front of others that I even believed I was a well-functioning human being.
  2. That experiencing the difference between being anxious and not being anxious led me into bouts of depression.
  3. Smoking weed led me to want to be my natural self and find a working environment that will allow me to be me
  4. Lastly, I still strive to want to not work ever and to focus solely on Tru.Works and my art and I hope that one day I will be able to just do that
  5. That I can enjoy smoking and it’s not so dumb.

For more stories like this one please check out:

Why Popping pills was Life-Changing

Social Media Can Make Bulimia Happen

How to Express Your Male Depression in Words

 

Yessenia is a compelling and innovative program and operations manager who uses her 5+ years of experience in operations management and graphic design to determine small business needs in the areas of inventory costs, labor expenses, P&L, COGs, marketing, and graphic design to create and manage profitable plans for small businesses and individual projects. She is the Owner and Founder of Tru.Works.
Subscribe
Notify of

3 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
7 years ago

I have read so many posts regarding the blogger lovers but this piece of writing
is actually a good piece of writing, keep it up.

Admin
Yessenia Matamoros
7 years ago
Reply to  Pansy

Thank you so much

3 months ago

Hey very cool website!! Man .. Excellent .. Amazing .. I will bookmark your site and take the feeds also…I’m happy to find numerous useful information here in the post, we need work out more techniques in this regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .

Scroll to top
3
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x
%d bloggers like this: