She Keeps Bringing Up the Past
Are you staring at her talk about the past and all you can think is, “Not again with this, she keeps bringing up the past mistakes I’ve made”.
This woman is always reminding you of what you did last year. Every time she thinks you messed up, here we go with the past mistakes you made. It could have happened 5 years ago but to her, it was like it happened yesterday.
She never forgets your mistakes, and always brings them up during a fight. It’s time to ask her to stop.
Has she forgiven your past?
You may question if she has ever forgiven you. You may even begin thinking:
If she still thinks I’m the same as I was then what’s the point of changing for real? She’ll never forgive me anyway. Even if she does forgive me, she will not forget.
Bringing up the past to anyone hurts.
It doesn’t matter what it was but bringing up the past mistakes reminds men of the person they were. Maybe he was the cheater, maybe he was the liar and maybe he was the spender. Maybe he was all three things but that doesn’t mean he’s STILL those things.
Why it’s important to let go of the past for healing
Your partner may believe that you still want to cheat or lie or overspend. Three years can pass by and if he buys himself a t-shirt their anger flares up and they are back to past-bashing you thinking your beginning to spend money again.
I know this because I was once this woman. This kind of partner. And I had to really reflect on what was going on.
I was very hurt by my partner’s past actions but they asked me to stop bringing up the past if I wanted them to change and if I wanted to move on.
The decision I took to stop bringing up the past of my partners was a hard choice. It was hard because it meant completely trusting them.
I chose to trust them completely. During that time there were many times when I wanted to tell them off when they made a mistake but I bit my tongue. Yet I knew that if I kept on past-bashing him he’d never feel confident to talk to me about his mistakes.
I wanted my husband to be able to tell me everything.
Forgiving the past takes time
It takes time to forgive someone. But you got to have the conversation first.
If you’re reading this and you’re the woman who brings up the past just keep in mind that this action leads men to hide things from you.
Men would rather not hear your nagging and would rather risk you finding out about his new t-shirt later than tell you about it at the moment.
If you’re the man that this is happening to you, it’s time to sit your woman down and have the conversation with her.
If you as the woman said you forgave your husband then it’s time to forget the past.
No more bringing it up in conversation until you’re fully healed from it. Do not say you cannot forget the past because it hurts too much. I understand it takes time. If you cannot forget for now then DO NOT BRING IT UP. Do not bring up the past at all. If he buys a new t-shirt, compliment his tastes. It’s not like he bought a new car. Really think about how much better he has gotten from before.
I promise you that you will forgive him. I also promise you that when you ask her to not bring up the past anymore in due time your relationship will heal and she will respect you for it.
You can not heal from the past if you keep reliving it.
Do not believe you cannot forget the past because it hurts too much. I understand it takes time. If you cannot forget it for now then DO NOT BRING IT UP. Do not bring up the past at all. If he buys a new t-shirt, compliment his tastes. It’s not like he bought a new car. Really think about how much better he has gotten from before.
If you sincerely feel that your man has not grown enough or changed enough from his past mistakes, you must pray for him. If you are a lady and you know you are wrong, go ahead and apologize to your husband. Kiss him and enjoy television together. Do anything to not bring up the past again.
If you’re the man in this scenario, it can be hard but you need to understand that your wife is still dealing with the pain that you gave her. It’ll take time for her to forgive you.
Stop bringing up the past
One of the best ways to begin the healing process is to ask her not to bring it up again. This will force her to let it go, and begin healing.
If you let her keep going, she will not grow and will eventually grow resentment toward you. It’s better to tell her that it’s better for both of you to grow in your relationship if you both begin to let things go.
If you accidentally do bring up the past in conversation, catch yourself and apologize. End the conversation or switch it up.
If you get mad at her for bringing up the past, catch yourself and let it go. Remind her to let it go.
The past is the past. Daddy God doesn’t even bring up the past and so you have no right to either. Get over it and let it go by simply not bringing it up. It’s hard, I know but in the end, it’ll all be worth it and relieving for you.
Continue to pray for each other.
For more relationship articles on Tru.Works please check out my favorites below:
Another great article to read is: How to Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer.
Yessenia is a compelling and innovative program and operations manager who uses her 5+ years of experience in operations management and graphic design to determine small business needs in the areas of inventory costs, labor expenses, P&L, COGs, marketing, and graphic design to create and manage profitable plans for small businesses and individual projects. She is the Owner and Founder of Tru.Works.