Support in Relationships

Support in Relationships
©Annie Spratt 2015

Never have I ever felt that I would give up on someone that I love. I find to be loyal to whoever I have attached myself to and will defend them blind until death parts me from them because I believe in anyone.

I believe that you can be anything you want to be as long as you work for it and you can only know when someone will work on things when you spend time with them.

When I meet new people I can tell from a brief conversation if these people will be fun to hang out with or people that will stick around to encourage me in business and my personal life. It’s okay to me that you don’t find in the second category but once I’ve connected with you and spent time with you I will be rooting for your success all the way.

Although I’m rooting for you I find my side of the bleachers can be empty. Where are my fans? Where is my squad? Where are those people who I support? Where is my family, friends and business partners?

In this world, we are all working to make this world go ’round and while I understand people get busy, it gets lonely being the one cheering my team on while I’m hitting homers in an empty field.

I’m not talking about support where friends help me with marriage problems or life issues, I’m talking about support from my friends or my spouse. I want to know that when I forget to wash my car my husband has deliberately scheduled to get my car washed for me because he knows I need it done.

I want the support from my friends where it’s the week of the festival of dogs (I made that up but this should exist) and they know my love of dogs and plan to take me to this event.

I’m saying that in this season of life it seems like I’m supporting more and watching people’s backs more than I feel my back is watched.

I know God’s rooting for me when I”m alone. I have a few homies out there that still look out for me. They don’t check up on me every day because let’s be honest, no one can check on you every day. No one can call you every day and be there for you every day without them being your spouse, significant other, or your mom.

Friends come and go but lifelong support isn’t there without that commitment. We are are handling the realities of our lives.

At the same time, I still feel as if while I’m handling my own life I know I check up on my friends and my colleagues. There is no reason not to be able to communicate or check up on each other due to social media and cell phones.

I want to be rooted for in everything I do. I know I’m not perfect and I know I’ll make mistakes but to know someone loves and is supporting you while you work makes it easier to push through the madness life throws at you.

Getting deeper into this topic, there will come times where you will need someone else’s help. This goes for every person who has ever existed in life. You will need to borrow someone’s money, someone’s time, or someone’s assets. It’s the way this world works. We wl make mistakes and will need someone to save our butts. We will trust the wrong people, we will choose the wrong option and we will invest in the wrong businesses. We learn from these things.

I find it easier to ask for help with people you have invested time and relationships with. I don’t need you to save me out of my misery and mistakes but rather stand by my side when I’m struggling and while I’m on cloud nine.

When I’m cranky and tired, I need to know I’m still loved. When bills need to be paid, when babies need diaper changing, when I need to be nursed to health, it’s not only important that you’ll be there for me but will you be able to take the challenge, step up to the plate, and fill my place when I am down.

Are there friends out there that will visit me in times of need? Are there friends out there that will call me when the media gives negative attention to me? When I can’t reply to a message, will you pick up my phone and reply as you were me?

Is it possible that when I can’t mentally focus on my goals, that I’ll have someone pick up where I left off and reestablish my mindset?

This friend is rare.

The friend or spouse that knows that things need to get done. Bills need to be paid, people need to be contacted, and trips need to be planned. Will this person let it go, or pick up the pieces?

I think where I’m trying to get at is that so much in my life of what I do is done by my own efforts. I have my husband’s back and expect the same in return when life gets out of whack. I’ve realized that this is not common understanding.

I’ve also learned that while I may be defending my friends for their actions they have also lied to me about their own actions. For example, I know next week our cell phone bill is due but who will pay it? Is it always going to be me?

There comes a time where you must demand respect for yourself. You must demand courtesy and mindfulness from the people you love. Not everything can be your responsibility. Not everything can be done by me. It has taken me years to realize that I have let myself get walked all over by my relationships and as for my first year in New York City, I’ve learned that I’m tired of it.

I am not okay with certain things.

I’m not okay with pretending you care about me.

I’m not okay with stating you’ll have something done and it’s incomplete.

I’m not okay with being traded for followers or likes on social media.

I’m not okay with being second to my spouse or family.

I’m not okay with maybe, it’s yes or no. It’s black or white.

I’m not okay with any of these examples, and I find that yes I may be someone who has done or is doing or will do any of these things but that’s where apologies come in. I value my relationships and will set my ego aside and would rather apologize to you and be wrong than to lose a friendship.

I want to move on with my life with this new realization of myself. I’m demanding these things now. I need realness. I need legitness. I need honesty and it starts with me.

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