The Way We React to Each Other

The Way We React to Each Other
©Fabian Irsara 2016

Losing your wallet is one of the worst things you can go through on vacation but what I found to be worse is having to tell my husband that I lost my wallet. It’s happened multiple times where I’d lose a debit card, keys, important information because of my lack of awareness but I’m totally accepting of my flaw. It’s my husband who finds it hard to deal with this problem of mine.

Too many times I’d find myself in a bind where I’d lose my metro card or I can’t find my wallet or phone and would contemplate telling my husband or not. If we didn’t have joint accounts, lived in the same building, and slept in the same bed I would never share a story about missing keys or my wallet to my husband.

I would rather handle it myself because of how angry he gets when I tell him I simply misplaced one of these items. There’s no mercy for me when I lose any of these things or forget to purchase milk or eggs. I’m going to hear it. This is one of my husband’s pet peeves and I understand that he’s human and it’s these things that make him tick but it’s the way he reacts to these mistakes that scare me from telling him.

I’m not a saint, I too have my pet peeves.

I don’t trust easily. When stories don’t match up or make any sense to me, I automatically question these stories and will believe that you’re lying to me. This is something I am aware of at all times. I have a transcript in my mind of words spoken by my husband (I can’t be the only one) and once I find something that doesn’t match I am quick to accuse him of hiding details or lying to me. Now I ‘m also an emotional person and so when I react to a lie or even a happy event, I’m over the edge about it.

This can be a beautiful thing, like when I see a puppy and I want to hug him and give my whole life to this newly met dog, but I have my downfall where my husband can share with me bad news and I’ll cry, or flip out on him or at the world. I’m an emotional seesaw.

It’s this emotion and distrust that has him carefully choose his words with me. I want him to be open with me but it’s my reactions to some of the things he says that prevents him from doing so entirely.

This reaction is the same reactions my husbands gives me when I make a mistake. When I forget to start the laundry, or forget dishes in the sink. He’s quick to state his opinion.

Our reactions are scary to one another even though we have not ever physically abused each other or abused each other in any way it’s a psychological problem instated in us at a  young age where we react to certain things a certain way due to old habits.

I’m happy enough being aware of these things than simply having to revisit it and try to solve the problem every time one of these issues happen. Yes, my husband shouldn’t exaggerate his stories, and maybe I should be more cautious about where I place my valuables with my track record but maybe we should also take into account how the other person feels in that moment.

I don’t need to be reminded that I lost my wallet again and that I’ve lost many objects in the past and my husband doesn’t need to be reminded about all his stories he’s made up to friends and myself.

These are the little quirks in our marriage. We’re not perfect but we’re aware of our imperfections.

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