I’ve heard advice from many people in situations where their spouses have become a totally different person. They’ve become forgetful, selfish, angry, and just plain different.
It’s easy to become annoyed and want to act the same way toward each other but let’s be mature about this- i mean, this is a marriage. In marriage, we have ups and downs and things happen that can only be handled when both partners communicate ith each other if something’s wrong.
That’s the easy part. The hard part is dealing with someone until they communicate what’s wrong with them.
Now a mistake some people make is that they badger their partner until they come clean with what’s been going on. This can agitate your spouse.
There are a few ways to get your spouse to come clean and lay things out and both have proven to be effective in my marriage the first is harder than the second but as their partner, you should be able to correctly discern what to do in which situation.
Love Them Like Crazy
As much as I want to yell at my husband for forgetting to buy something or making stupid decisions and even at times when he’s not considerate of things I usually sit him down or let him know these things bother me.
The days where we’ve been off course it can be tempting for me to wait for him to fix things and act all crazy but this is the time you want to breathe and think about them more than yourself.
When my husband and I had a period of weeks where we were technically separated and living our own lives I gave up and let whatever happen, happen. It wasn’t until we had a family emergency pop up where we realized we both had to give up they petty actions we made and work on our marriage.
Now, for the most part, I’ll admit I let things get this far because I was tired of me being the one to love him like crazy’. But it was a lesson I needed him to learn.
My trick is that even while he’s out hanging out with friends, working, or practicing I pray at home. I ask God for strength. If you want to skip that part then you’ll need to gather your own strength and love them like crazy.
This means going out of your way to be the best spouse you can be in seasons of grumpiness. Kissing them when you get home, hugging your spouse for longer periods of time, cleaning the house without being asked to do so, preparing meals,
Texting them flirty things and wishing them a great day even though you both may be mad at each other. You do this because while you’re both upset with one another you still love each other.
These small actions are a reminder of your good times. While you may feel disgusted kissing your spouse, just do it. Love is an action and not a feeling. In times where you may feel out of love with your spouse, you have to work harder to reignite the flame.
As long as one of you is trying the other person will have that change of heart.
I’ve seen it happen to me dozens of times in my marriage where I can either escalate a disagreement or hug it out and talk about it when we’re on a date or are more calm with each other.
A couple questions before you bring up a question or idea that may spark an argument amongst each other:
- Do you have to bring up a disagreement right now?
- Pick your battles, is it really worth fighting for?
- Do you have to fight or can you talk about things and throw thing sin the air and give each other time to talk about things?
- Are you always wanting to be right?
- Can you just let it go?
- How are you discussing disagreements?
While dating, when I would discuss things with my husband I wouldn’t look at him in the eyes and I would often be found playing with something while talking to him.
I have matured to a point where I know I have an issue with something but I take my time to bring it up. I think about it and wait to see if I’m going to possibly trigger an argument because of my feelings or because of true facts.
I also then wait to bring up a problem at a perfect time. Bringing up ‘controversial’ topics before bed time, right after work, in front of your children or family, and every time you get alone time with your spouse are not the best times to bring issues up.
The last example where I state that any time you’re alone with your spouse you may want to bring up an issue is one I struggled with a lot. I’ll explain by asking
If every time you encountered the same person they picked a verbal fight with you, how excited would you be to see them walk into your home?
I would never want to go home. Has your spouse stopped coming home until you’re in bed sleeping? Might be a sign that either they’re busy or possibly avoiding you.
Now, all these signs your spouse give you are not because they don’t love you but it’s because they love you enough to not blow up on you.
My husband has told em many times that he wouldn’t give his opinion to any discussions because he always felt like he was wrong or that he wasn’t ready to share his opinion or ideas in a calm manner. He was too angry to talk.
My biggest tip of all would have to be that in the midst of tough times such as stress in finances, or sex, take the time to take a moment in your marriage to go out to the park, museum, or even take a walk around the block.
In the tough times, we remember the good times. At least most people do. A spouse can become unloveable some days like a woman on her period or a man who just lost his job are just two cliche examples.
Just remember to always love first and think the best of your spouse.
Yessenia is a compelling and innovative program and operations manager who uses her 5+ years of experience in operations management and graphic design to determine small business needs in the areas of inventory costs, labor expenses, P&L, COGs, marketing, and graphic design to create and manage profitable plans for small businesses and individual projects. She is the Owner and Founder of Tru.Works.