Spending More Time Together

When You See Each Other Less
©Tim Stief 2017

I’m not a fan of long-distance relationships. I find them to be… too distant and as someone who loves physical attention and closeness in a relationship, long-distance won’t work for me.

My husband and I are pretty close. I consider him my best friend. When I make mistakes he doesn’t judge me. Even at times when I question our future and relationship, he considers me human before anything and I find it refreshing to be able to tell him anything. He’s forgiven me for many things as I have also done with him which brings us such closeness that I don’t see in many married couples relationships.

My marriage isn’t perfect but man do we work hard at it. Now that I’m in reflection mode We’ve become more natural at our work in marriage it’s kind of funny. For example, I used to pretend to call my husband sexy- not because he wasn’t, I just didn’t naturally do this. He had let me know that when I compliment him it makes him feel good and I chose to do so. At first, I felt fake about it but it has now become second nature. I enjoy making his day and you know what he’s learned to do things I like to do too.

I love play fighting. I don’t know why but I find it to be fun and man my husband was a  wimp when we first got married. Even while dating he didn’t really do all that. Today we beat each other up- respectfully. It’s a weird thing but he engages now and I find it to be fun and pretty hot. I guess that’s my thing. Either way, it took 8 years to get to this level.

With all this closeness and mushy mushy stuff, we find it quite enjoyable to spend time together. We go out to eat, watch Netflix, have a few drinks, and talk. We can talk for hours. I just, I love this stage that we’re in. A lot of this comes from many hills that we’ve overcome over the years. Especially last summer. Last summer I had never felt so distant from my husband- a lot of it comes from my hate of loneliness. I hate feeling alone.

My husband is constantly at rehearsals, auditions, practice, and networking events while most of my work gets done at home. While sometimes I can go out I’m an introvert. It takes a lot to get me outside, but when I do I have fun. Either way, after a period in which work lulled for my husband we remembered to come back to each other.

In the summer I had found that I emotionally searched for closeness with friends and other people which was okay but usually, I’m one where all I need is the emotional relationship with my husband and I’m set.

Although we had a tough time financially in the summer, we were forced to bring out the elephant in the room. The lack of communication, care, and sex. We were inconsiderate and selfish.

It was these hard conversations and respect that led us to not divorce and continue on.

Things got better slowly. Today it’s great.

But things are always changing in marriage, and in any relationship.

My husband’s work has picked back up again. I can feel myself wanting to distance myself from him again to bear with the loneliness. Although this time around any moment he has with me he gives me his undivided attention. He enjoys me and tries hard t spend time with me like we did in the fall after our horrible summer.

I’m trying hard not to make mistakes in this time of loneliness and I’ve realized this is the practice I need. My husband will just get busier as will I. I’ll soon be traveling more and working full-time for Tru.Works. Whatever time we will have will just have to do enough for us until we take our vacation this Summer.

What gets couples through te rough time are planned events, vacations, getaways, and dates are what keep us working another day to get to the days off. I look forward to Sundays and Mondays which we both have off. We go to church, go shopping and just talk.

What keeps us going the whole year is our yearly vacation. Last summer we couldn’t afford one and it brought us stress. Actually, money brings the most stress in us. After money, it’s other people. We’ve gotten a lot better at handling this but it’s still a work in progress. We’ve been practicing handling our debt and finances and raising our income. We’ve also have been doing a better job of communicating via everything. Social media, text, call, whatever it takes to connect with each other.

While some moments in our marriage are rough, it’s the good times that get us through the tough patches. There will be times where you’ll only wake up to each other, where you’ll have to work harder at keeping up with each other and learning about each other but this is when the flirting, and touching is real important. Turn it up a notch.

Your relationship is normal. I never suggest working less if you get new opportunities but when work takes up your time it’s good to keep with the friendly touches.

As for the person who might not work so much- it’s time to pick up some work, learn a new skill, or pray. I like to start new projects and work longer hours to keep me focused on something else either than not spending time with my husband.

It can be tough at times I’ll admit that but that doesn’t mean that I won’t stop trying.



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